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The line graph illustrates the figures for the elders who are 65 years old and above for over a century from 1940 to 2040 in three specific countries including Japan, Sweden, and the USA.

Overall, it is clear that all three countries were considerable fluctuations in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040, with low in the 1960s and high in 2040s.

During the period from 1940 to 1960, Japanese elders gradually went down under 5%. However, after decreasing for 20 years, 65-years-old and above Japanese people stayed at the same level until around 1970,  the number of the population rose steadily. Afterward, it is predicted that Japenese elders will reach a peak of over 25% in 2040.

Meanwhiles, both American and Swedish elders  increased from 1940 to 1960 and slightly fell under 15% of the population in 1980. In approximately 1995, 65-year-old Swedish went up to 20%, while American people plateaued for about 20 years. The number of American and Swedish people are evaluated to vary of 25% and under 25% respectively around 2030.

 

 

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+ illustrates the figures for the elders ? incomprehensible.
+all three countries were considerable fluctuations -> seen, witnessed 
+the population aged 65 -> paraphrase for example, retirement age
+after decreasing -> after having decreased
+increased from 1940 to 1960 ->sound awkward. Only heard increased from % or number to % or number (not year)
+65-years-old and above Japanese people stayed at the same level -> try percentage, the amount of. People did not stay at the same level themselves but the proportion.
Please review your other sentences


Further comment: The maximum score is 5.5, way to go. 

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đã góp ý bởi (12 điểm)
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 - Is clear that all three countries were    ( witnessed ) considerable fluctuations in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040.

- After decreasing for 20 years, 65-years-old and above Japanese people stayed at the same level until around 1970==>> after having decreased 

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The line graph illustrates the figures for the elders who are 65 years old and above for over a [W1] century from 1940 to 2040 in three specific countries including[W2]  Japan, Sweden, and the USA.

Overall, it is clear that all three [W3] countries were considerable fluctuations in the [W4] proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040, with low in the 1960s and high in 2040s[W5] .

During the period from 1940 to 1960, Japanese elders gradually went down[W6]  under 5%. However, after decreasing for 20 years, 65-years-old and above[W7]  Japanese people stayed at the same level until around 1970[W8] ,  the number of the population[W9]  rose steadily. Afterward, it is predicted that Japenese elders will reach a peak of over 25% in 2040.

Meanwhiles, both American and Swedish[W10]  elders  increased from 1940 to 1960 and slightly fell under 15% of the population in 1980. In approximately [W11] 1995, 65-year-old Swedish [W12] went up to 20%, while American people plateaued for about 20 years. The number of American and Swedish people are evaluated to vary of 25% and under 25%[W13]  respectively around 2030.


 [W1]Grammar error: the century b/c reader know well century from 1940 to 2040

 [W2]Grammar error:  why using including (V-ing) instead include ?

 [W3]Expression suggestion: it seem to be reluctant, you should delete one word

 [W4]Expression suggestion: => in term of…………

 [W5]Grammar error: => the low poits and the high points

 [W6]Expression suggestion: gradually  was used to despict something in at least two points of the period. In this case 1940 to 1960 a decrease and next 1960 to 1980 remaining due to should not use gradually

 [W7]Expression suggestion: 65 – above years old

 [W8]Expression suggestion: => remained relatively stable

 [W9]Expression error: it is not clear b/c you depict the proportion of elders

 [W10]Spelling grammar: => Swedenese

 [W11]Grammar error: we do not use these word for specific year

 [W12]Spelling grammar: => Swedenese

 [W13]Grammar and Expression errors: the moment in the future, use forecasted or predicted,  evaluate to vary => it is weird to me

 

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