Task 1- The bar chart shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.
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The bar compares the earnings of worldwide digital games across Pc, handheld, console and mobile in the period from 2000 to2006.

It can be seen from the chart that handheld games was the most popular type in term of revenues through given years. The industry also saw a sales decline in games played on console platform, while it saw a rapid growth in sales of mobile phone games and online games.

In 2000, the total revenues for the handheld games were at nearly $ 12 billions , which was double than that for console games. No figures for mobile games and online games were recorded at that time until 2002 the sales figures for both types was just $ 3 billions.  Handheld games sales grew up $ 4 billions from 2000 to 2002 , whereas console games saw a minor drop of  $ 2 billions.

In 2006, handheld games continued to be a major revenues driver , generating $18 billion in revenues. The sales of console games was decayed steadily, plunged to a low of $ 5 billions at the same time. Meanwhile, revenues for mobile and online games soared up to $ 9  and $ 7 billions respectively. 

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The bar chart compares the worldwide earnings of worldwide digital games across Pc, handheld, console and mobile in the period from 2000 to 2006.

It can be seen from the chart that handheld games was the most popular type in terms of revenues  (revenue may be too big) income through given years (I think you should change this sentence as the link between income and popularity sounds weird, just read the sentence many times and you will realize it). The industry also saw a sales decline in games played on console platform, while it saw as well as a rapid growth in sales of mobile phone games and online games.

In 2000 (I think you should change into in the first year or so because you will repeat the year as number later), the total revenues for the handheld games were at nearly $ 12 billions , which was double than that for console games. No figures for mobile games and online games were recorded at that time until 2002 when the sales (you also repeat 'sales' too frequently) figures for both types was just $ 3 billions.  Handheld games sales grew up $ 4 billions from 2000 to 2002 , whereas console games saw a minor drop of  $ 2 billions. (I don't think this information is necessary)

In 2006, handheld games continued to be a major revenues driver the amount of money for handheld games contnued to head, generating $18 billion in of revenues. The sales of console games was decayed steadily, plunged to a low rate of $ 5 billions at the same time. Meanwhile, revenues for mobile and online games soared (I don't think they increased that much) up to $ 9  and $ 7 billions respectively. 

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Mình ko biêt phải giúp bạn thế nào , hay là bạn tham khảo bài này của mình nhé

 

These, handheld plays, obtained almost $12 billion in sales in 2000, figures that climbed to just under $18 billion by the end of the time frame.
These handheld plays obtained almost $12 billion in sales in 2000, while figures climbed to just under $18 billion by the end of the time frame.

this prominent increase in the sales market was proportional to the decrease that console games suffered
this prominent increase in the sales market was proportional to the decrease of console games

Sentence: The following depicted bar graph provides a breakdwon in billions of dollars of the total amount of four distinct means of video games sold from 2000 to 2006.
Error: breakdwon Suggestion: breakdown

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Words: 157 200

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 6 10
No. of Words: 157 200
No. of Characters: 760 1000
No. of Different Words: 98 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.54 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.841 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.406 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 52 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 41 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 27 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.167 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.459 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.48 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.811 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.03 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

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217 points
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Revenues lặp lại khá là nhiều bạn có thể dùng turnover để thay thế

The bar compares the earnings of worldwide digital games across Pc, handheld, console and mobile in the period from 2000 to2006.

It can be seen from the chart that handheld games were the most popular type in terms of revenues through the given years. The industry also saw a sales decline in games played on console platform, while it saw a rapid growth in sales of mobile phone games and online games.

In 2000, the total revenues for the handheld games were at nearly $ 12 billions , which was double than that for console games. No figures for mobile games and online games were recorded at that time until 2002 the sales figures for both types was just $ 3 billions.  Handheld games sales grew up $ 4 billions from 2000 to 2002 , whereas console games saw a minor drop of  $ 2 billions.

In 2006, handheld games continued to be a major revenue driver , generating $18 billion in revenues. The sales of console games was decayed steadily, plunged to a low of $ 5 billions at the same time. Meanwhile, revenues for mobile and online games soared up to $ 9  and $ 7 billions respectively. 

 

 

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12 points
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bài của bạn lặp lại từ khá nhiều,

It can be seen from the chart that handheld games was the most popular type in term of revenues through given years. The industry ( what industry for ? ) also saw a sales decline in games played on console platform, while it saw a rapid growth in sales of mobile phone games and online games.

có thể dùng:  overall, in the period time of 6 years, the handheld games always had the highest number and continous increase of turnover. in contrast, the world witnessed a gradual decrease  of the Consolve Games in terms of sale output.

 

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16 points

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