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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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It can not be deniable that school where children are taught and trained to be  good citizens beside the knowledge in the books. However, only schools that teach boys and girls how to become good people are not enough due to the limited time at school . Therfore, parents play an considerable role in educating their children to do that.

At first, parents who gave birth and bring up their children from offsprings to adults. Parents get more chance to educate their sons and daughters at different stages of age with variety of ethics, good behaviours and rudimental skills in life. At the same time, they have more time to fix the bad bahaviuors of children which really take a lot of time.gradually, children step by step create themselves good backgtounds to go to school and into society.

At school, Children are with other peers, study in the same class even though come from many different backgrounds. Some of them perhaps have been well educated at home but some haven’t yet. They have greedy personality and violence,sometimes a small argument but they don’t know how to reach an agreement and finally they choose to duck it out. Here, the teacher have responsibility to solve the problem and then teach the pupils the right things. The priciples at schools also contribute greatly to educate the pupils to become good people.

All in all, both parents  and schools have to cooperate to train the children to become  helpful citizens. by that way, the children themselves are pushed positively from  two sides to develop and grow up as agood members of society.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

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+1 phiếu

It can not (cannot) be deniable that school where children are taught and trained to be  good citizens beside the knowledge in the books. (in books) However, only schools that teach boys and girls how to become good people are not enough due to the limited time at school . Therfore, parents play an considerable role (a considerable role) in educating their children to do that.( tối nghĩa)
-> Đoạn này bạn viết bị lặp quá: Mình nghĩa có thể sửa như sau:

It cannot be deniable that children will be educated to become a good citizens at school. However, parents obviously play an considerable role in teaching their offsprings how to be a good person because children often spend a copious amount of time with their family.

At first, ( firstly, to begin with) parents who gave birth and bring up their children from offsprings to adults. ( chỗ này bạn nên để thì hiện tại đơn vì S chưa xác định: có thể xảy ra qua khư, hiện tại và tương lai) Parents get more chance to educate their sons and daughters at different stages of age ( get là một từ không formal ko nên sử dụng trong ielts writing) with variety of ethics, good behaviours and rudimental skills in life. At the same time, they have more time to fix the bad bahaviuors of children which really take a lot of time.gradually, children step by step create themselves good backgtounds to go to school and into society.

At school, Children are with other peers, study in the same class even though come from many different backgrounds. Some of them perhaps have been well educated at home but some haven’t yet. They have greedy personality and violence,sometimes a small argument but they don’t know how to reach an agreement and finally they choose to duck it out. Here, the teacher have responsibility to solve the problem and then teach the pupils the right things. The priciples at schools also contribute greatly to educate the pupils to become good people.

All in all, both parents  and schools have to cooperate to train the children to become  helpful citizens. by that way, the children themselves are pushed positively from  two sides to develop and grow up as agood members of society.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (50 điểm)
thank you for your contribution, i really appreciate that <3
0 phiếu

It can not be deniable that school where children are taught and trained to be  good citizens beside the knowledge in the books. However, only schools that teach boys and girls how to become good people are not enough due to the limited time at school . Therfore, parents play an considerable role in educating their children to do that.

At first, parents who gave birth and bring up their children from offsprings to adults. Parents get more chance to educate their sons and daughters at different stages of age with variety of ethics, good behaviours and rudimental skills in life. At the same time, they have more time to fix the bad bahaviuors of children which really take a lot of time.gradually, children step by step create themselves good backgtounds to go to school and into society.

At school, Children are with other peers, study in the same class, even though come from many different backgrounds. Some of them perhaps have been well educated at home but some haven’t yet. They have greedy personality and violence,sometimes a small argument but they don’t know how to reach an agreement and finally they choose to duck it out. Here, the teacher have responsibility to solve the problem and then teach the pupils the right things. The priciples at schools also make contribution greatly to educate the pupils to become good people.
mình nghĩ sửa thế thì hay hơn ^^
All in all, both parents  and schools have to cooperate to train the children to become  helpful citizens. By that way, the children themselves are pushed positively from  two sides to develop and grow up as agood members of society.

mình band thấp nên chỉ biết xem tnay thui :)

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (21 điểm)
thank you :3

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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