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In many countries prison is the most common solution to crime problems. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

You should write at least 250 words.

Full essay:

Many people think that prison is the best way to threaten the criminals, others believe that educational system can be an influent solution. While I agree that school can help the societies deal with crime issues, I would argue that prison is a fair punishment to solve this problem.

On the one hand, education can have a vital impact on reducing lawbreakers. In school, children is usually taught with ethical lessons, which is fundamental for them to avoid committing crimes. For example, if a child is well educated, it is very unlikely that he or she will become a thief or terrorist. This could be an effective prevention from an early stage. Additionally, educational system can create an edifying environment. Not only could this narrow down the number of the homeless, poor, unemployed, but this also help the world get rid of the criminals. However, I think this solution can only applied as a way of prevention.

On the other hand, I believe prison is the proper way to deal with this issue. Firstly, this punishment is often the most horrifying threat to all kind of offenders because they lose their freedom in a long period of time. This solution can act as a deterrent to make people think carefully before breaking laws. Secondly, it is fair when it comes to serious crimes such as homicide, selling drugs, etc. For instance, it is more justified for a murder to be imprisoned rather than educate him or her. Finally, I personally think jail is the best way to turn a lawbreaker into a good citizen. This is a way to admonish the criminals to avoid committing crimes again.

In conclusion, although education can be useful to help coping with crimes, I strongly believe that prison can act as a catalyst for a society without bad people.

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Many people think (không nên dùng think trong ielts writing: thay vào đó có thể dùng argue, claim, believe) that prison is the best way ( đề bài ko nói là best way hay ko, mà chỉ nói là phổ biến, paraphase sai) to threaten the criminals, others believe that educational system ( education system) can be an influent solution. (không hiểu nghĩa) While I agree that school can help the societies deal with crime issues, I would argue that prison is a fair punishment to solve this problem.

Mình nghĩ có thể paraphrase lại ntn này sẽ tốt hơn: To an extend, I agree that sending criminals to prision is a ubiquitous punishment around the world. However, it does not mean that education measures to reduce crime is less important, as will now be discussed

Body 1:

On the one hand, education can have a vital impact on ( have a profound effect on) reducing lawbreakers. In school, children is (children are) usually taught with ethical lessons, which is fundamental for them to avoid committing crimes ( which may contribute to crime preventation). For example, if a child is well educated, it is very unlikely that he or she will become a thief or terrorist. This could be an effective prevention from an early stage. Additionally, educational system (education system) can create an edifying environment. Not only could this narrow down the number of the homeless, poor, unemployed, but this also help the world get rid of the criminals. ( get là một từ không formal ko nên sử dụng trong ielts writing, mình nghĩ ko nên sử dụng đảo ngử trong viết câu, criminals có thể paraphrase thành wrongdoer, offender, delinquent). However, I think this solution can only applied ( can be applied) as a way of prevention.

Mình nghĩ là better education ở đây là biện pháp gửi người phạm tội vào trại cải tạo ý: education camp, nên mình nghĩ bạn đang có nhầm lẫn trong cách hiểu

Body 2:

On the other hand, I believe prison is the proper way to deal with (combat, handle) this issue. Firstly, this punishment (penalty)  is often the most horrifying threat to all kind of offenders (không nên sử dụng hình thức tuyệt đối ntn) because they lose their freedom in a long period of time. This solution can act as a deterrent to make people think carefully before breaking laws. Secondly, it is fair when it comes to serious crimes such as homicide, selling drugs, etc. (không nên sử dụng) For instance, it is more justified for a murder to be imprisoned rather than educate him or her. Finally, I personally think ( bỏ) jail is the best way to turn a lawbreaker into a good citizen. This is a way to admonish the criminals to avoid committing crimes ( engage in criminal activities) again.

Bạn sử dụng quá nhiều cấu trúc kiểu it is ... this is ....

In conclusion, although education can be useful to help coping with crimes, I strongly believe that prison can act as a catalyst for a society without bad people.

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Many people think (không nên dùng think trong ielts writing: thay vào đó có thể dùng argue, claim, believe) that prison is the best way ( đề bài ko nói là best way hay ko, mà chỉ nói là phổ biến, paraphase sai) to threaten the criminals, others believe that educational system ( education system) can be an influent solution. (không hiểu nghĩa) While I agree that school can help the societies deal with crime issues, I would argue that prison is a fair punishment to solve this problem.

Mình nghĩ có thể paraphrase lại ntn này sẽ tốt hơn: To an extend, I agree that sending criminals to prision is a ubiquitous punishment around the world. However, it does not mean that education measures to reduce crime is less important, as will now be discussed

Body 1:

On the one hand, education can have a vital impact on ( have a profound effect on) reducing lawbreakers. In school, children is (children are) usually taught with ethical lessons, which is fundamental for them to avoid committing crimes ( which may contribute to crime preventation). For example, if a child is well educated, it is very unlikely that he or she will become a thief or terrorist. This could be an effective prevention from an early stage. Additionally, educational system (education system) can create an edifying environment. Not only could this narrow down the number of the homeless, poor, unemployed, but this also help the world get rid of the criminals. ( get là một từ không formal ko nên sử dụng trong ielts writing, mình nghĩ ko nên sử dụng đảo ngử trong viết câu, criminals có thể paraphrase thành wrongdoer, offender, delinquent). However, I think this solution can only applied ( can be applied) as a way of prevention.

Mình nghĩ là better education ở đây là biện pháp gửi người phạm tội vào trại cải tạo ý: education camp, nên mình nghĩ bạn đang có nhầm lẫn trong cách hiểu

Body 2:

On the other hand, I believe prison is the proper way to deal with (combat, handle) this issue. Firstly, this punishment (penalty)  is often the most horrifying threat to all kind of offenders (không nên sử dụng hình thức tuyệt đối ntn) because they lose their freedom in a long period of time. This solution can act as a deterrent to make people think carefully before breaking laws. Secondly, it is fair when it comes to serious crimes such as homicide, selling drugs, etc. (không nên sử dụng) For instance, it is more justified for a murder to be imprisoned rather than educate him or her. Finally, I personally think ( bỏ) jail is the best way to turn a lawbreaker into a good citizen. This is a way to admonish the criminals to avoid committing crimes ( engage in criminal activities) again.

Bạn sử dụng quá nhiều cấu trúc kiểu it is ... this is ....

In conclusion, although education can be useful to help coping with crimes, I strongly believe that prison can act as a catalyst for a society without bad people.

 

 

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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)
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