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TOEFL- Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students.

In my opinion, everyone have the same right to study at university or college. However, only the good student should study at higher education. Therefore, I agree with the second thought.

First, Studying at university or college is not easy for everyone. The students who were really excellent at high school should enter the university to study at the major that they are really good at. Although, the other students who are not good enough, can effort to study at university or college, It is still really hard for them, especially if they do not know exactly what they are studying.

Second, Studying at university or college sometimes wastes your time and money. It is not cheap to studying in university or college. Some families have to pay a lot of money for their children to study there. And the students themselves spend a lot of time at university doing the things they aren't good at.

Third, I believe university or college is the place for students who really desire to study the field they really care about. The others, who are not good at studying will have their own job out there in the society. They can learn from their experiences in work, learn from their failures or anywhere else. The important thing is that they are still excellent in their field and become the useful people for their country, may be the famous people in the world.

Albert Einstein said that: "Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it whole life believe it is stupid". I believe so. Everyone of us have the same right to study, but we also have our own mission. So study in university or not is not the matter. The matter is we know ourselves, we know what we good at and what we are doing to make our own life and this world better.
Rating: 6.05
đã hỏi 10 Tháng 8, 2014 trong TOEFL bởi mystery1093 (0 điểm)
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4 góp ý

+5 phiếu

Good afternoon, I think your essay is a very good one in terms of vocabs and grammars, however, there are some points that made me confused about our statement as follow:

1. First, Studying at university or college is not easy for everyone. The students who were really excellent at high school should enter the university to study at the major that they are really good at. Although (no comma)  the other students who are not good enough, can effort attempt to study at university or college.( I suggest break the sentence into two). It College level of studying is still really hard for them, especially if they do not know  (using the word know here is not strong enough, maybe use understand I guess) exactly what they are studying.

2. Second, Studying at university or college sometimes wastes your time and money. It is not cheap to studying in university or college. Some families have to pay a lot of money for their children to study there. And the students themselves spend a lot of time at university doing the things they aren't good at. This point really confused me. One can argue back that the good students maybe dont have money, so it is wasting of money if they attend colleges too. The topic is "Should college available only for good students", however, your point seems to support the topic "Should college only available for wealthy and rich students?" I suggest changing it into sth like: Because studying in college is very expensive and advanced, it should be only available for good students who are able to understand the high academic level.

3. The third point: believe university or college is the place for students who really desire to study the field they really care about. This one does not strongly support your point of view, one can argue back that: bad students also care about some fields which are available in college, so college should be available for all!

4. Albert Einstein said that: "Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it whole life believe it is stupid". I believe so. Everyone of us have the same right to study, but we also have our own mission. So study in university or not is not the matter. The matter is we know ourselves, we know what we good at and what we are doing to make our own life and this world better. This passage seems to go off topic also. We are talking about the choice whether college should be available for every one or not. However, your statements made me think the topic was: Should the government force students to go to college or not?

Regards,

Duong NGUYEN.

Rating: 5.93
đã góp ý 11 Tháng 8, 2014 bởi andyduong (177 điểm)
+3 phiếu

Hello, I made some changes from your essay. Here is what I made. Hope that it could be a good reference for you. cheeky

From my perspective, being educated is the most primamry right of people. Children have the same right to go to school and adult have ones to learn at any age. Nevertheless, higher education should only be availble for the good students. Thus, I am off with the latter because of obstacles at higher education, wasting time and money and being professional.

To begin with, it is not easy for everyone to study at a university or college. Only student who recorded excellent achievement at high school should enter a university to study what he specialized in. Although the other studens who were not good enough can make huge effort for their further education at university or college, it is still tough for them, especially if they do not know where they are standing.
 

What is more, to studying at university or college sometimes watses your time and money. It costs a lot of money for books, transportation and extra-curricular activities. For some families who cannot afford to pay that amount of money, it is really a magnificant burdern. However, what deserves more attention is the period of time children spend at university without learning anything.

Lastly, It cannot be denied that university or college is a good place for students who desires to study more in the field they are interested in. The others who are not good at studying should get their own jobs in the society which can give them more opportunities to learn from experience and failures at their workplace. The considerably crucial thing is that they still can become experts in their major and devote for their country.
 

There is a saying by Albert Einstein that "Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it whole life believe it is stupid". I strongly believe that all of us have the same right to learn. On the other side, we also have our own missions. Therefore, to study in university or not does not matter. The matter is that we know ourselves, what we are good at and how we can do to make this life better. 

Yours faithfully, 

Natasha 

 

Rating: 4.45
đã góp ý 17 Tháng 8, 2014 bởi Natasha (10 điểm)
+1 phiếu

Overally, your eassy is good. it follows the structure of a Toelf essay. Congrats :). I just make some suggestions.

 

Here is what I see from your essay:

Intro: everyone have-> everyone has; good student->good students

1ts para: the sentence: "Studying at university or college" => studying at a university or college

"Although, the other students who are not good enough, can effort to study at university or college, It is still really hard for them, especially if they do not know exactly what they are studying" is confusing. you should consider rewrite it into simple sentences.

2nd: " It is not cheap to studying in university or college" => it is not cheap to study in a university or colege.

"doing the things they aren't good at." doing the things which they are not good at.

3rd: omitt "out there"; "experiences in work"=> experiences in works; "in their feild"=> in their fields;

"The important thing is that they are still excellent in their field and become the useful people for their country, may be the famous people in the world." => this sentence have problem with "may be the famous people in the world"

4th: " eveyone of us have"=> everyone has

"So study in university or not is not the matter. The matter is we know ourselves, we know what we good at and what we are doing to make our own life and this world better." => it is not matter whether westudy at a university or not, but it is matter if wecan understand youself; what we are good at. what we are doing IS to make our own life and this world better.

 

 

Rating: 0.30
đã góp ý 19 Tháng 10, 2014 bởi lamtranhuutri (8 điểm)
+1 phiếu
seem like you are making it irrelevant, money and time, "care about", relating to "good" students?

You are misleading me into some problems over orientation.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 21 Tháng 12, 2014 bởi mitbuiviet (13 điểm)

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