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A controvertible question about death penalty is executed as an appropriate penalty for delinquent has attracted many disparate appreciation of public opinion. From my perspective, I am completely inclined to approve of the fact that death sentences which regarded as one of the most debated in term of law, theology, ethnics and sociology should be enforced for felony. This essay will present the explanations to support my attitude more convincing for following arguments.

In the first place, capital punishment which is accomplished according to a legal process for law violators is considered as the most effective punishment to prevent sin in the world. Not only does death penalty abandon the idea of infringing the law and order for those with criminal intentions, but it is also threatens perpetrators so that inclined them to the good and amended their conduct by surrendering before law for leniency due to its harshness. Obviously, to illustrate  this idea more clearer with a compelling fact that there are more than 60% population of the world live in countries where death sentences has been implemented, and so does four populous country in the world ( China, India, USA and Indonesia).

In addition to the first argument, it is absolutely undeniable that the death penalty is a penalty towards an equitable society: law breakers incur pertinent punishment for heinously committing a crime.  In the same way, it is similar to a tradition rule: ‘’ eye to eye, tooth to tooth’’ which means bringing justice to humanity. Alternatively, Immanuel Kant once said that not any punishments others than capital punishment does have the ability to satisfy justice. Therefore, the death sentence is definitely the only answer not only for maintaining security society but also for avoiding offender.

Last but not least, capital punishment has abundantly inhibited the recidivism of the particularly high dangerous delinquents so that to ensure the safety of society. Nevertheless, some people has a suspicion arises that if law violators are released from prison, criminals could put the law in force or break the regulation again.

For all the aforementioned arguments above, I totally believed that death sentences can be executed as accurate regulation for felony. Briefly, death penalty has preserved the security society and chasten the abominable perpetrators so that it is unlikely to cross out in the near future. What will happen to the security society without capital punishment?

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A controvertible (mình nghĩ phải là controversial question) question about whether death penalty is executed as an appropriate penalty for delinquent has attracted many disparate appreciation of public opinion. From my perspective, I am completely inclined to approve of the fact that death sentences which regarded as one of the most debated in term of law, theology, ethnics and sociology should be enforced for felony. This essay will present the explanations to support my attitude more convincing for following arguments. Mình nghĩ câu  này bạn viết khá dài dòng.

In the first place To begin with, capital punishment which is accomplished according to a legal process for law violators is considered as the most effective punishment to prevent sin in the world. Not only does death penalty abandon the idea of infringing the law and order for those with criminal intentions, but it is also threatens perpetrators so that (so that + clause nhe bạn) inclined them to the good and amended their conduct by surrendering before law for leniency due to its harshness. Obviously, to illustrate  this idea more clearer with a compelling fact that there are more than 60% population of the world live in countries where death sentences has been implemented, and so does four populous country in the world ( China, India, USA and Indonesia).

In addition to the first argument, it is absolutely undeniable that the death penalty is a penalty towards an equitable society: law breakers incur pertinent punishment for heinously committing a crime.  In the same way, it is similar to a tradition rule: ‘’ eye to eye, tooth to tooth’’ which means bringing justice to humanity. Alternatively, Immanuel Kant once said that not any punishments others than capital punishment does have the ability to satisfy justice. Therefore, the death sentence is definitely the only answer not only for maintaining security society but also for avoiding offender.

Last but not least, capital punishment has abundantly inhibited the recidivism of the particularly high dangerous delinquents so that as (so that +clause) to ensure the safety of society. Nevertheless, some people has a suspicion arises that if law violators are released from prison, criminals could put the law in force or break the regulation again.

For all the aforementioned arguments above, I totally believed that death sentences can be executed as accurate regulation for felony. Briefly, death penalty has preserved the security society and chasten the abominable perpetrators so that it is unlikely to cross out in the near future. What will happen to the security society without capital punishment?(Ý kiến cá nhân của mình là không đặt câu hỏi cuối bài thế này)

 

Bài này của bạn mình nghĩ đã lạm dụng mệnh đề quan hệ quá nhiều. Đôi khi sử dụng mệnh đề quan hệ quá nhiều sẽ làm bài văn nặng nề hơn. Nếu bạn viết thế này thì chỉ nêu những ý ủng hộ quan điểm mình nên nêu ý phản lại rồi đưa ra lí do để chứng minh ý mình là đúng. Nếu không thì nêu hai mặt rồi khẳng định một mặt đúng hơn.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Con cảm ơn cô rất nhiều ạ !
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1/ Bài viết có bố cục tốt, sử dụng các từ nối phong phú, có đưa thêm các supporting ideas để bảo vệ luận điểm cá nhân. 

2/ Bài viết sử dụng vốn từ rất tốt.Tuy nhiên, bạn cần cẩn thận vì nếu dùng từ vựng không đúng ngữ cảnh, bài viết sẽ trở nên tối nghĩa. Hơn nữa, dùng từ quá khó sẽ gây khó khăn cho việc đọc hiểu.

3/ Bài viết quá nặng về cấu trúc ngữ pháp nên cảm thấy khó hiểu. Một số điểm ngữ pháp còn sai, bạn nên xem lại. (ví dụ: more clearer --> clearer, không có more). 

4/ "Obviously, to illustrate  this idea more clearer with a compelling fact that there are more than 60% population of the world live in countries where death sentences has been implemented, and so does four populous country in the world ( China, India, USA and Indonesia)." --> câu này quá dài, bạn nên tách ra làm 2 câu hoặc gom ý lại cho ngắn bớt thì tốt hơn.

 

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