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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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there are too much debate about whether to teach children competitiveness or create a spirit of cooperation in them. in my opinion, both of these views have their advantages and disadvantages but they are equally important.

admitedly, we are living in a society like a rapid-fire race and require us-candidates- constantlly compete with others. children should be informed of this soon and provoked their potentials. the most major benefit of competion is that the kids can explore enormously with their abilities to acieve the greatest results. A competitive could also be both a challenge and a motivaion to keep them hard-working to attain their own goals. In fact, most top-achievers are ambitiuos people who are never afraid to collide with others. moreover, competitiveness is usually associated with self-confidence and maximum efforts thet every child should own. however, the drawbacks of this feature are seriuosly considered, as people claim that it may lead to jealousy ans obssession with decrepancy between children and their friends.

    on the other hand, collaboration is variously beneficial to children. it teaches them to ultilise individual advantages to create the most powerful union to reach the goal in the easiest way. besides, working with others teaches them more that hoe to elevate themselves as children will also learn to help people and socialize their ego with the whole community. an open mind of mixing with others is a characteristic needed for a devoted and helful person. in fact, schools always set examples of cooperation for students to witness with teamwork.. however, the habit of having supports from outside may hammer children' independence in some certain cases, such as doing their own assignments. Furthermore, it is not good for them to stay in a crowed without trying to mark their own trace. they need a race to show theirs iiner force and that is they hardly have when they are together.

   in brief, there are voluminous things to educate a child, including competitiveness and collaboration. having theis pros and cons going hand in hand, we should encourage both two personalities in kids so taht they will be growning helpful and successful.
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there are too much debate about whether to teach children competitiveness or create a spirit of cooperation in them. in my opinion, both of these views have their advantages and disadvantages but they are equally important.

=> Mở bài chưa đủ ý đó bạn ơi, nhớ chú ý viết hoa đầu câu nha


admitedly, we are living in a society like a rapid-fire race and require us-candidates- constantlly compete with others. children should be informed of this soon and provoked their potentials. the most major benefit of competion is that the kids can explore enormously with their abilities to acieve the greatest results. A competitive could also be both a challenge and a motivaion to keep them hard-working to attain their own goals. In fact, most top-achievers are ambitiuos people who are never afraid to collide with others. moreover, competitiveness is usually associated with self-confidence and maximum efforts thet every child should own. however, the drawbacks of this feature are seriuosly considered, as people claim that it may lead to jealousy ans obssession with decrepancy between children and their friends.

    on the other hand, collaboration is variously beneficial to children. it teaches them to ultilise individual advantages to create the most powerful union to reach the goal in the easiest way. besides, working with others teaches them more that hoe to elevate themselves as children will also learn to help people and socialize their ego with the whole community. an open mind of mixing with others is a characteristic needed for a devoted and helful person. in fact, schools always set examples of cooperation for students to witness with teamwork. however, the habit of having supports from outside may hammer children' independence in some certain cases, such as doing their own assignments. Furthermore, it is not good for them to stay in a crowed without trying to mark their own trace. they need a race to show theirs iiner force and that is they hardly have when they are together.

   in brief, there are voluminous things to educate a child, including competitiveness and collaboration. having theis pros and cons going hand in hand, we should encourage both two personalities in kids so taht they will be growning helpful and successful.
 

Màu vàng là những chỗ hơi tối nghĩa và khó hiểu đó bạn :)

Màu đỏ là sai ngữ pháp hoặc cấu trúc nhe bạn

Màu xanh là những chỗ dùng từ hoặc cụm từ chưa hợp lí mặc dù mình hiểu ý tiếng Việt của bạn, nên sửa lại cho hay hơn nhé :)

Còn màu xanh lá là sai chính tả rồi bạn ơi, nên chú ý đừng sai nhiều vậy vì cứ 3 lỗi là bị trừ 0.5 điểm uổng lắm nên bạn cẩn thận nhé!
Có chỗ nào không hiểu thì cứ gửi thư cho mình nhé :)

Chúc bạn cuối tuần vui vẻ và mau chóng tăng trình Writing nha!

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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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