IELTS Task 1 - Chữa Writing miễn phí
ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.2k Bài viết

3.1k Góp ý

2k bình luận

13.7k thành viên

http://thithuielts.com/line-graph-1/ =)))) Linh biểu đồ ạ, do e không biết chèn ảnh

The graph shows the rate of 65 anh over aged people from 1940 to 2040 in three selected countries.

In 1940, The United State reached a peak with around 9% of elderly people. Meanwhile, Sweden stood at nearly 7%. Between 1940 and 1960, Japan dropped by 2%. In the same period, both USA and Sweden grew slightly. This continued to shot up to 15% in USA and 14% in Sweden around 1980. By contrast, The rate of 65 anh over Japan population remained stable with 3% from 1960 to 1989. There has been a fluctuation of elderly population in Sweden since 1985. This is estimated to account for 20% of Sweden population until 2016, but drop to 17% in 2024 and increase again to 2040 with over 26%. The number of 65 and over aged people in Japan tends to rise gradually to 10% about 2030, then rocket to 25% and go up to 27%  in 2040. Apart from other countries, USA has remained steady since 2000. After 20 years, this figure will climb to 16% in 2025 and surge up to 23% in 2040.

To summarise, in 1960-2020 period, there has been a fluctuation in 65 and over aged people in both USA and Sweden while the number of elder peope in Japan has had no decline signal since 1960.The graph shows the rate of 65 anh over aged people from 1940 to 2040 in three selected countries.

In 1940, The United State reached a peak with around 9% of elderly people. Meanwhile, Sweden stood at nearly 7%. Between 1940 and 1960, Japan dropped by 2%. In the same period, both USA and Sweden grew slightly. This continued to shot up to 15% in USA and 14% in Sweden around 1980. By contrast, The rate of 65 anh over Japan population remained stable with 3% from 1960 to 1989. There has been a fluctuation of elderly population in Sweden since 1985. This is estimated to account for 20% of Sweden population until 2016, but drop to 17% in 2024 and increase again to 2040 with over 26%. The number of 65 and over aged people in Japan tends to rise gradually to 10% about 2030, then rocket to 25% and go up to 27%  in 2040. Apart from other countries, USA has remained steady since 2000. After 20 years, this figure will climb to 16% in 2025 and surge up to 23% in 2040.

To summarise, in 1960-2020 period, there has been a fluctuation in 65 and over aged people in both USA and Sweden while the number of elder peope in Japan has had no decline signal since 1960.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Trend (line) bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu

Bài này bạn làm quá dài rồi, bạn nên hạn chế số từ trong khoảng 150 words đến 180 words thôi. Nếu bạn viết task 1 quá dài sẽ mất rất nhiều thời gian để viết task 2.

 This continued to shot up to 15% in USA and 14% in Sweden around 1980. ==> Shoot up.

Bạn phân tích khá nhiều số liệu, điều này sẽ làm bạn và người đọc bị rối, mình nghĩ bạn nên tóm tắt lại và phân tích những điểm chính thôi.

Mình còn là beginer nên chỉ góp ý nhiêu đây thôi.heart

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (6 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)
...