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Children like the blank paper. Everything, good or bad, when it affects on a child, it will stick in that child’s whole life, or we can see it like ink, it still in that paper by the time. So, children need to aware what is bad, what is good when they are young. And when the children are disobedient, using punishment is the most affective way to teach them. I totally agree with that argument, but choosing the suitable punishment for children is very important.

            Firstly, I would like to prove with you that we need to teach the children at an early age. Example, you have a son. When he was a baby, you didn’t teach him to behave politely with older ones. When he grow up, he is more disobedient, especially when he is a tennager. That time he has a sharply change in his body and also in psychology field, right? And when he go to school, do you sure that he get an appliciation for the school rules? No person know about that. Moreover, if he don’t do right what in the school rules, I sure that he will be fire at school! And how about his future? That’s so terrible, you know? When one school delete him out in their students list, you need to find a new school for him. Do any school accept a naughty children? I think no school. And if he don’t have any knowledge and he has no qualification, do any company or business give him a change? They aren’t so reckless like that! So, you can know how behaving politely is important in our life so children need to learn it.

            Secondly, when you know it is important, so how we teach them? It’s easy than you think. Be

sweet with children, don’t angry, teach them step by step. But, some children are disobedient so punishment is necessary. Like what I said above, punishment is important but finding a suitable one for children is a hard question for audults. Do you remember about what was happen one week before? I think you know. Parents of a Japanese boy punished him by abandoned him alone at a wild wood in remote area. And in nearly a week finding him, the rescuers have been completed the mission they are given. The parents of that child was very emotional, they knew their wrong. So, by this story I told you above, I think parents should use the suitable one. Example, how about stop using computer for a week or in few days? Or we can stop them watching TV too much and they play sports instead of watching TV? Not bad idea!

            Finnaly, to sum up, learning to aware bad and good for children is necessary when they are young, and many parents use one effective way, that is punishing their children when they disobedient, but some audults use the wrong way and results don’t like what they wish. So, choose a good punishment to punish your children.
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Mình có một vài nhận xét cho bài viết của bạn như sau:

- Một số lỗi sai k đáng có như ngữ pháp : Children are like a blank sheet of paper. Children need to BE aware of...., I AM sure, .....

- Vocab : FOR example, adults, teenager, ....

- Bài viết k thoát đc ý và dài dòng, lặp từ nhiều và k cần thiết, mặc dù ở task 2 ng viết đc bày tỏ opinion, nh mình nghĩ bạn nên lược bớt I, you cho bài viết thêm formal . mình nghĩ bạn chỉ nên dành 2 câu cho mở bài, 10 câu cho 2 đoạn thân bài và 1 đến 2 câu cho phần kết luận là ổn. nên lập plan trước khi làm để tránh rối ý khi viết

- bài viết có tình trạng dịch word by word.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Children like the blank paper. Everything, good or bad, when it affects on a child, it will stick in that child’s whole life, or we can see it like ink, it still in that paper by the time. So, children need to aware what is bad, what is good when they are young. And when the children are disobedient, using punishment is the most effective way to teach them. I totally agree with that argument, but choosing the suitable punishment for children is very important.

            Firstly, I would like to prove with you that we need to teach the children at an early age. Example, you have a son. When he was a baby, you didn’t teach him to behave politely with older ones. When he grows up, he is more disobedient, especially when he is a teenager. That time he has a sharply change in his body and also in the psychology field, right? And when he goes to school, do you sure that he get an application for the school rules? No person know about that. Moreover, if he doesn't do right what in the school rules, I sure that he will be fire at school! And how about his future? That’s so terrible, you know? When one school delete him out in their student list, you need to find a new school for him. Do any school accept naughty children? I think no school. And if he doesn't have any knowledge and he has no qualification, do any company or business give him a change? They aren’t so reckless like that! So, you can know how behaving politely is important in our life so children need to learn it.

            Secondly, when you know it is important, so how we teach them? It’s easy than you think. Be

sweet with children, don’t angry, teach them to step by step. But, some children are disobedient so punishment is necessary. Like what I said above, punishment is important but finding a suitable one for children is a hard question for adults. Do you remember about ( Bỏ about) what was happen one week before? I think you know. Parents of a Japanese boy punished him by abandoned him alone at a wild wood in the remote area. And in nearly a week finding him, the rescuers have been completed the mission they are given. The parents of that child were very emotional, they knew their wrong. So, by this story I told you above, I think parents should use the suitable one. Example, how about stop using computer for a week or in few days? Or we can stop them watching TV too much and they play sports instead of watching TV? Not bad idea!

            Finally, to sum up, learning to aware bad and good for children is necessary when they are young, and many parents use one effective way, that is punishing their children when they disobedient, but some audults use the wrong way and results don’t like what they wish. So, choose a good punishment to punish your children.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
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