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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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 Topic: in the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computer or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your voice.  
                              
                                                                                              Study at home
    Most people think that it is better study at school than study at home, but it’s not for me. When I study at school
I always feel boring and constrain because everything is controlled by rules of the school. So, I think study at home is best for me.
    When I study at home, I can learn and eat or learn and listen music at the same time, when I feel boring, stress, sleepy about study I can go outside and doing some activity interesting to cut down stress. Of course, all of these won occur if I study at school.
   Independent and self-discipline are one of the most important to success in study. So, at home I will have opportunity to practice this two skills. For example, I will work out my problem or doing everything by myself. On other hand, it’s more satisfying to do the work by oneself.
    Learn more effectively. If I study at home, I can look for materials on the internet by my computer, smartphone to solve my problem. It is help me remember better. Then, if I see this problem again I can easily deal with it.
    In short, when I study at home, I can do what I want, practice independent and self-discipline and learn more effectively when I study at school. Therefore, home is the best place for me.     
 
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Hi, I think there are some mistakes that should be ne noted:

1.it is better study --> it is better to study

2 ."I feel boring" means I feel like I am a boring person.

   It should be "I always feel bored and constrained".

3.  when I feel boring, stress..---> when I feel bored, stressed...

4. won---> won't

5. independent---> independence

6.  are one of the most important to success---> you should add a noun after "important", for example: are one of the most important factors to success.

7. We should not use "so" in writing. "therefore/thus/hence..." is better

8. I will have opportunity to practice this two skills.--->oppotunities/ an oppotunity; these

9. I will work out my problem or doing everything by myself---> do

 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)
0 phiếu
   Most people think that it is better study (better to study)  at school than study at home, but it’s not for me. When I study at school
I always feel boring (bored)  and constrain (constrained) because everything is controlled by rules of the school. So, I think study at home is best for me.
    When I study studying (thì hay hơn) at home, I can learn and eat or learn and listen music at the same time, when I feeling  boring, (bored, chỉ cảm giác của mình) stressed, sleepy about the study( sau giời từ sẽ thường là noun hoặc v-ing nha) I can go outside and doing some activity interesting (interesting activity) to cut down stress. Of course, all of these won  (won't)  occur if I study at school.
   Independent and self-discipline are one of the most important to success in study. So, at home I will have the opportunity to practice this two skills. For example, I will work out my problem or doing( do) everything by myself. On (the) other hand, it’s more satisfying to do the work by oneself.
    Learn more effectively. If I study at home, I can look for materials on the internet by my computer, smartphone to solve my problem. It is helps me remember better. Then, if I see this problem again I can easily deal with it.
    In short, when I study at home, I can do what I want, practice independent and self-discipline and learn more effectively when I study at school. Therefore, home is the best place for me.     
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (19 điểm)
cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhiều
0 phiếu
I think there may be some problem with the length of your essay. A high-score essay( 25/30 or above) should be from 300 to 400 words, or even 500 words. However, keep in mind that  the length of your essay is not the key factor of whether your score is high or not.

Moreover, you should attempt to show your vocabulary through your essay by avoiding using simple words such as: I feel, boring,....You should learn some academic words so that you can use them in the essay.

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/5207/minh-dang-luyen-viet-mong-m-n-sua-bai-giup-minh-voi-cham-theo-kieu-toefl-ibt-a?show=5207#q5207
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (13 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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