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The Internet plays an important role in our modern life. However, every coin has two sides and we can find out pros and cons of the internet by my following provement.

The Internet is a breakthrough in developing technology. It brings us wonderful advantages. First, education is more and more improved due to appearance of the internet. Students can learn and look for basic knowledge online without spending too much time in the libarary. This leads to the fact that it is very convenient for both teachers and students to broaden their perception. Second, the internet shorten the distance of people even though they are very far from each other. Skype or Yahoo are good ways for them to contact and have fun. It is true to say that distance is not a big problem in such a developing technology world. Third, the internet makes everything easier and faster. For example, we can send or receive documentary through email for a short time wwhile 10 years ago, we need to wait foe 3 or 4 days to send to a far distence.

On the other hand, the internet also has drawbacks. People especially teenager are easily involved in computer games. They take so much time to sit in front of the screen to play games. This doesn't only affect to their health but it  also decrease the amount of money which their parents earn by hard works. They can't understand that money doesn't grow on tree. Moreover,  the internet prevents them from taking part in outdoor activities beacause of the internet's attraction. This will slowdown socal skills and cause their inconfidence .

In a word, the inetrnet is one of the most wonderful inventions in the world. However, it also causes trobles in our life. Thus, we should use it in moderate
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Mình chỉ là beginner và là thành viên mới nhưng cũng xin được góp ý vài chỗ: 

The Internet plays an important role in our modern life. However, every coin has two sides and we can find out pros and cons of the internet by my following provement.

The Internet is a breakthrough in developing technology. It brings us wonderful advantages. First, education is more and more improved due to appearance of the internet. Students can learn and look for basic knowledge online without spending too much time in the libarary. This leads to the fact that it is very convenient for both teachers and students to broaden their perception. Second, the internet shorten the distance of people even though they are very far from each other. Skype or Yahoo are good ways for them to contact and have fun. It is true to say that distance is not a big problem in such a developing technology world. Third, the internet makes everything easier and faster. For example, we can send or receive documentary through email for a short time wwhile 10 years ago, we need to wait foe 3 or 4 days to send to a far distence

On the other hand, the internet also has drawbacks. People especially teenager are easily involved in computer games. They take so much time to sit in front of the screen to play games. This doesn't only affect to their health but it  also decrease the amount of money which their parents earn by hard works. They can't understand that money doesn't grow on tree. Moreover,  the internet prevents them from taking part in outdoor activities beacause of the internet's attraction. This will slowdown socal skills and cause their inconfidence .

In a word, the inetrnet is one of the most wonderful inventions in the world. However, it also causes trobles in our life. Thus, we should use it in moderate

Về mặt spelling:

libarary => library

wwhile => while

distence => distance

socal => social

trobles => troubles

slowdown => slow down

beacause => because

Về mặt grammar: 

first => firstly

inconfidence => lack of confidence

decrease => decreases

affect to => affect

appearance => the appearance

shorten => shortens

every coin has two sides and we can find out pros and cons of the internet by my following provement. Theo mình câu này nên viết là it is undeniable that the internet has resulted in both positive and negative effects which will be discussed below.

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
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The Internet plays ( nên dùng has played) an important role in our modern life. However, every coin has two sides and we can find out pros and cons of the internet by my following provement.


The Internet is a breakthrough in developing technology. It brings us wonderful advantages. First (firstly), education is more and more (hạn chế dùng more and more) improved due to appearance of the internet. Students can learn and look for basic knowledge online without spending too much time in the libarary (spelling). This leads to the fact that it is very convenient for both teachers and students to broaden their perception. Second (secondly), the internet shorten the distance of (strengthen the bond between) people even though they are very far from each other (no matter where they are). For instance, Skype or Yahoo are good ways for them (people) to contact and have fun. It is true to say that distance is not a big problem in such a developing technology world. Third, the internet makes everything easier and faster. For example, we can send or receive documentary through email for a short time wwhile 10 years ago, we need to wait foe 3 or 4 days to send to a far distence

 


On the other hand, the internet also has drawbacks ( câu này bạn có thể viết lại là " it also has some negative impacts exist along with the positive points). People especially teenager are easily involved in computer games. They take so much time to sit in front of the screen to play games (they spend much time on playing games). This doesn't only affect to their health but it  also decreases the amount of money which their parents earn by hard works (working)They can't understand that money doesn't grow on tree ( câu này của bạn có chiều hướng đi hơi xa so ới main topic). Moreover,  the internet prevents them from taking part in outdoor activities beacause of the internet's attraction. This will slowdown (lose) socal skills and cause their inconfidence (từ này dùng sai nghĩa).


In a word (In conclusion/ to sum up), the inetrnet is one of the most wonderful (thay bằng great vì từ này lặp ở bên trên) inventions in the world. However, it also causes trobles in our life. Thus, we should use it in moderate (reasonably)

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (12 điểm)
0 phiếu
 
The Internet plays an important role in our modern life. However, every coin has two sides and we can find out pros and cons of the internet by my following provement.

The Internet is a breakthrough in developing technology (the technology). It brings us wonderful advantages. First, education is more and more improved due to appearance of the internet. Students can learn and look for basic knowledge online without spending too much time in the libarary(library). This leads to the fact that it is very convenient for both teachers and students to broaden their perception. Second (secondly), the internet shorten (shortens)  the distance of people even though they are very far from each other. Skype or Yahoo are good ways for them to contact and have fun. It is true to say that distance is not a big problem in such a developing technology world. Third (Thirdly), the internet makes everything easier and faster. For example, we can send or receive documentary through email for a short time wwhile (while) 10 years ago, we need to wait foe (for)  3 or 4 days to send to a far distence (distance)

On the other hand, the internet also has drawbacks. People especially teenager are easily involved in computer games. They take so much time to sit in front of the screen to play games. This doesn't only affect to their health but it  also decrease the amount of money which their parents earn by hard works. They can't understand that money doesn't grow on tree. Moreover,  the internet prevents them from taking part in outdoor activities beacause of the internet's attraction. This will slowdown( slow down) socal (social) skills and cause their inconfidence .(sai nghĩa)

In a word( In conclusion), the inetrnet is one of the most wonderful (lặp) inventions in the world. However, it also causes trobles in our life. Thus, we should use it in moderate
 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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