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Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glamour. Many prefer to be a famous one or a celebrity to change their life. But is being a famous person easy as it seems?

One of the biggest advantages of this is that they can earn a large sum of money. As a result, they can make their life easier and their finance is secured. They do not worry about making a living and can enjoy a luxurious life as well as different interests like traveling everywhere. In addition, they can have fans - people who love them, which makes their life more enjoyable and increase their self-condience and self-esteem.
On the other hand, famous people do not have privacy in their life and suffer from being under microscope of newspapers and tabloids. Therefore, they must careful about their behaviours and every single word they say. Furthermore, as celebrities have to work all day, their family's life is also affected because they do not have time for family any more. Fame can also make them change into a different people. They can be more greedy, selfish and consider everything inexpensive and invaluable.
In conclusion, being a famous person, to my mind, has more disadvantages than advantages. After all, what can be more fulfilling than a happy relationship with your family as a normal person for the rest of your life?
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Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glamour. Many prefer to be a famous one or a celebrity to change their life. But is being a famous person easy as it seems?

One of the biggest advantages of this is that they can earn a large sum of money. As a result, they can make their life easier and their finance is secured. They do not worry about making a living and can enjoy a luxurious life as well as different interests like traveling everywhere. In addition, they can have fans - people who love them, which makes their life more enjoyable and increase their self-condience and self-esteem.
On the other hand, famous people do not have privacy in their life and suffer from being under microscope of newspapers and tabloids. Therefore, they must careful about (must be careful with) their behaviours and every single word they say. Furthermore, as celebrities have to work all day, their family's life is also affected because they do not have time for family any more. Fame can also make them change into a different people. They can be more greedy, selfish and consider everything inexpensive and invaluable.
In conclusion, being a famous person, to my mind, has more disadvantages than advantages  (the advantages of being a famous person outweight the disadvantages ). After all, what can be more fulfilling than a happy relationship with your family as a normal person for the rest of your life?
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (62 điểm)
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Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glamour. Many people prefer to be a famous one or a celebrity to change their life. But is being a famous person easy as it seems? 

-> Tham khảo mở bài thử nhá:

Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glomour. Many people believe that becoming celebrity, they can change their life. Others do disagree with it. From my view, everything has two sides: benefits and unbenefits, for some reasons.

One of the biggest advantages of this is that they can earn a large sum of money. As a result, they can make their life easier (more comfortable) and their finance is secured. They do not worry about making a living and can enjoy a luxurious life as well as different interests like traveling everywhere. In addition, they can have a lot of fans - people who love them, which makes their life more enjoyable and increase their self-condience and self-esteem.
 
On the other hand, no one can deny that famous people do not have privacy in their life and suffer from being under microscope of newspapers and tabloids. Therefore, they must care about their behaviour and every single word they say. Furthermore, as celebrities have to work all day, their family's life is also affected because they do not have time for family any more. Fame can also make them change into a different people. They can be more greedy, selfish and consider everything inexpensive and invaluable.
In conclusion, being a famous person, to my mind, has more disadvantages than advantages. After all, what can be more fulfilling than a happy relationship with your family as a normal person for the rest of your life?
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (22 điểm)
0 phiếu

Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glamour. Many people prefer to be a famous one or a celebrity to change their life. But is being a famous person easy as it seems?

One of the biggest advantages of this is that they can earn a large sum of money. As a result, they can make their life easier and their finance is secured. They do not worry about making a living and can enjoy a luxurious life as well as different interests like traveling everywhere. In addition, they can have fans - people who love them( I dont know "them" replace for what), which makes their life more enjoyable and increase their self-condience and self-esteem.
On the other hand, famous people do not have privacy in their life and suffer from being under microscope of newspapers and tabloids. Therefore, they must be careful about their behaviours and every single word they say. Furthermore, as celebrities have to work all day, their family's life is also affected because they do not have time for family any more. Fame can also make them change into a different people. They can be more greedy, selfish and consider everything inexpensive and invaluable.
In conclusion, being a famous person, to my mind, has more disadvantages than advantages. After all, what can be more fulfilling than a happy relationship with your family as a normal person for the rest of your life?
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
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Please next time adding full question statement

Fame seems to appeal to everyone due to its attraction and glamour. Many[W1]  prefer to be a famous one or a celebrity[W2]  to change their life. But is being a famous person easy as it seems?[W3]

One of the biggest advantages of this is that they can earn a large sum of money.[W4]  As a result, they can make their life[W5]  easier and their finance is secured. They do not worry about making a living and can enjoy a luxurious life as well as different interests like traveling everywhere.[W6]  In addition, they can[W7]  have fans - people who love them, which makes their life more enjoyable and increase their self-condience and self-esteem.[W8]

On the other hand,[W9]  famous people do not have privacy in their life and suffer from being under microscope of newspapers and tabloids. Therefore, they must[W10]  careful about their behaviours and every single word they say.[W11]  Furthermore, as[W12]  celebrities have to work all day, their family's life[W13]  is also affected because they do not have time for family any more. Fame can also make them change into a different people. They can be more greedy, selfish and consider everything inexpensive and invaluable.[W14]

In conclusion, being a famous person, to my mind, has more disadvantages than advantages. After all, what can be more fulfilling than a happy relationship with your family as a normal person for the rest of your life?[W15]

 

 [W1]Grammar error: this sentence lacks the subject. Corrected => individuals or people etc

 [W2]Expression suggestion: just use one,  no difference between ‘ a famous one and a celebrity’

Life ( singular noun) lives ( plural noun)

+ this sentence: subject +is to +V: a famous is to change their lives

 [W3]Technical error: Never use this symbol in  IELTS writing.

 [W4]Expression suggestion: The first sentence is usually topic sentence, you should write down the subject, DO NOT use this or that

 [W5]Grammar error: Life ( singular noun) lives ( plural noun)

 [W6]Grammar and expression error: I do not correct errors, just give reference => they usually do not care on purpose of lives and the quality of jobs. Consequently these individuals are available to use anyways even unethical ways to acquire the fame.

 [W7]Expression suggestion: please notice about repition of word.

 [W8]Expression error: these sentences seem to express in wrong way or it not clear enough for reader like me.

 [W9]Expression suggestion: Please use consistent structure: ‘ ON THE ONE HAND; ON THE OTHER HAND.

 [W10]Grammar error:  must + V

 [W11]Reference: Consequently, they have to live in restricted of the scope. For instance they always prepare  words for speaking, prepare clothes for shows.

 [W12]Grammar error: two preposition cannot stay toghether.

 [W13]Grammar error: Life ( singular noun) lives ( plural noun)

 [W14]Grammar and Expression errors: You should review it

 [W15]Grammar and Expression errors: You should review it

 

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