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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

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TOPIC task 2 ngày 16/04/2016 :

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planet to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết).
- Các bạn sẽ cùng viết, vote và nhận xét bài lẫn nhau trong Topic này.
- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point).
 
Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Bài mẫu: Updating...

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Chữa đề ielts hàng tuần bởi (-141 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

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0 phiếu

Earth where our human beings and other life forms are standing on, living on are the third planet in the Solar System. People named it as Earth or people whom loved it so much they used to call it as Mother Earth. Generally, It carried almost 7 billions human beings, other billion life forms such as animal, trees or even bacteria. According to Astronomers, It was the best planet for human to live on where far enough to our Sun, so all life won't be frozen or close enough, so we won't be burned and dead. For example, the first planet in the Solar System which named "Mercury" where is too close to the Sun and the temperature may be greater than Earth hundredfold. 

As said by the scientist, Earth is the best planet for us, and of couse, we also have the same thinking. Its main functions is providing us the best place to live on, giving us resources to spend for our needs. However, we are destroying it so badly and making it become difficult to live by releasing the harmful substances to environment. So far, Earth is still the best choice for human beings to live in this Milky Way. How about future? 

With the increasing of polution, food crisis, rising of Global Warming or any disarters which are out of human control,  it might be risky for the human life on Earth. Hence, all nations should spend more on their national budget for astronomy in order to discover other planet where same like Earth. Definitely it is necessary for human to find other planets to live in order to avoid human extinction which absolutely will be happening in the future.

However, with the development of advanced technology, we might control the natural desarters or what human can't control in the past. But, it will only happen in the future which we are unable to figure out. So, finding new planets for our next generation should be the first priority misson for current generation in order to keep the human values spreading endlessly.

 

(346 words) mong mọi người giúp đỡ mình, đây là bài viết đầu tiên của mình nếu có gì mong được chỉ giáo. Nếu có thể, mọi người giúp mình nâng cao vốn từ hoặc chỉ cho mình những chỗ nào có thể dùng từ khác mà không bị lặp lại nhiều :) sharing is caring. Thank a lots :D

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
0 phiếu

Earth where our human beings and other life forms are standing on, living on are the third planet in the Solar System. People named it as Earth or people whom loved it so much they used to call it as Mother Earth. Generally, It carried almost 7 billions human beings, other billion life forms such as animal, trees or even bacteria. According to Astronomers, It was the best planet for human to live on where far enough to our Sun, so all life won't be frozen or close enough, so we won't be burned and dead. For example, the first planet in the Solar System which named "Mercury" where is too close to the Sun and the temperature may be greater than Earth hundredfold.  

As said by the scientist, Earth is the best planet for us, and of couse, we also have the same thinking. Its main functions is providing us the best place to live on, giving us resources to spend for our needs. However, we are destroying it so badly and making it become difficult to live by releasing the harmful substances to environment. So far, Earth is still the best choice for human beings to live in this Milky Way. How about future? 

With the increasing of polution, food crisis, rising of Global Warming or any disarters which are out of human control,  it might be risky for the human life on Earth. Hence, all nations should spend more on their national budget for astronomy in order to discover other planet where same like Earth. Definitely it is necessary for human to find other planets to live in order to avoid human extinction which absolutely will be happening in the future.

However, with the development of advanced technology, we might control the natural desarters or what human can't control in the past. But, it will only happen in the future which we are unable to figure out. So, finding new planets for our next generation should be the first priority misson for current generation in order to keep the human values spreading endlessly.

Hi bạn, không biêt bạn có tham khảo từ nguồn nào về Earth không nhưng bài bạn làm không theo form viết IELTS đó là introduction: bạn đề cập vấn đề và nêu quan điểm của bạn - Trong introduction của bạn cả 2 ý này đều không có ; Body thì bạn nêu theo kiểu one-side hoặc two-side argument để phân tích hơn vì sao bạn agree hay disagree ; conclusion thì bạn một lần nữa nhắc lại quan điểm của bạn sau khi đã có các phân tích ở phần body. Vì thế mình sẽ không chữa bài này theo kiểu grammar hay vocabulary gì cả

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (93 điểm)
Hi bạn, cám ơn bạn đã góp ý, mình sẽ cố gắng sửa sai ở các bài sau :)
0 phiếu
Xin mọi người góp ý.
In recent years, the overpopulation, the depletion of natural resources and the pollution have become issues many people feel strongly about. One potential solution is to recommend that national budget should be allocated more to space studies in order to discover a new habitable environment, such as Mars. From my point of view, this idea is not feasible.
Firstly, although there are severe reasons associated with the research new planet, the most significant of which is the lack of land and accommodation because of the population explosion. However, due to the policy of human population planning adopted by the governments and the improvement in women’s rights as well as sexual and reproductive health, the birth rate has decreased significantly in the last decade. In fact, the decline in the global population has continued since the peak in the 1960s. In addition, lots of skyscrapers, apartment building and underground cities have been built in order to confront population problems. Another reason worth mentioning is that the living conditions of nearby planets is not appropriate while Earth-like planets are distant thousands light years from Earth. Our planet is endowed with suitable climate and natural resources, such as water and the ecosystem to remain the lives which cannot be found in other nearby planets.
Secondly, another reason which justifies the budget spent on discovering a new suitable home is the depletion of natural resources. However, I am convinced that it is more practical to explore the natural resources in other planets then transport to Earth. The budget spent on that plan would be less considerable than money used for alternatives of changing living conditions in other planets. Another suggestion is to build enterprises in nearby planet, such as Mars thanks to the advancement in automatic technology and artificial intelligence. Not only do these companies take advantage of plentiful nearby resources, but the environment in Earth would also be improved owing to the diminution of pollutants emitted from these companies.
In conclusion, the aforementioned disadvantages illustrate why we should not spend money on researching other planet to live. Although it is my belief that financial resources should be allocated to universe studies, I am convinced that investment on discovering another planet replacing the Earth is not reasonable.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (57 điểm)
0 phiếu

TOPIC task 2 ngày 16/04/2016 :

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planet to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

-------------------------------------------------

The Earth has experienced many different problems including natural disasters, global warming and endangered species, therefore, human 's lives are affected negatively in a variety of aspects. It is widely argued that people should invest money on searching for a new planet to settle down. Personally, I disagree with this arguments and believe that there are other effective options to solve this issue.

Clearly, moving from the Earth to another asteroid costs billion dollars for a small spaceships which can carry about 20 people. Generally, we need to build a spacecraft containing about 7 billions people which is extremely expensive and time-consuming. Furthermore, our government need to use their budget to renovate our new home since the destination we travel to might not provide enough living conditions. As a result, the whole process may take many decades which means that our society have to figure out many different solutions to endure some serious danger on the Earth.

In my peripheral views,  preserving and protecting the Earth might be a more sufficient measure to tackle this issue. Global warming and rising sea levels are many beginning signals about the destruction of our home which means that if everyone become more aware of environment issues, the seriousness of this topic coud be reduced dramatically. For example, people can try doing some fundamental activities such as conserving natural resources, planting trees as much as possible or biking more, driving less.

In conclusion, I suggest that since travelling to a new planet for living might be an impossible ideas in a short period, protecting our living planet could be a very ideal solution.

 

giúp mình với chỉ còn 1 tháng nữa là mình thi rồi. Thanks

 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (56 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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