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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

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TOPIC task 2 ngày 02/04/2016 :

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết).
- Các bạn sẽ cùng viết, vote và nhận xét bài lẫn nhau trong Topic này.
- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point).
 
Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Tu Pham IPP IELTS www.ippielts.com

395 words - Band 8.0+

Bold: Less-common vocabulary 

Bài viết mẫu Band 8.0+ cho Đề thi IELTS tại Việt Nam ngày 02/04/2016

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

The role of one government to support citizens of other countries has been a major topic of concern in today’s society. From my perspective, this practice is feasible and there are compelling reasons why governments should help people in the global community rather than only focusing on the citizens of their own countries.

 

In this context of globalisation and international integration, the provision of assistance for peoples of all countries in the world is not an impossible task anymore. One explanation for this is that modern means of transport have transformed the way that international assistance could be given, and now assistance could reach even the most remote places on Earth. For example, thousands of victims of a deadly earthquake in a mountainous city in Nepal were rescued by US and German military helicopters in 2014. One further explanation is that thanks to international banking, the international community could offer a helping hand to any country where the financial system is on the verge of collapse. An excellent example of this is that the saving money of millions of taxpayers and pensioners in Greece was saved by a timely act of the European Commission of injecting a huge amount of bailout money into Greek banks in 2009.

 

I strongly believe any government must assume the responsibility of helping citizens in other countries. This is mainly because assisting inhabitants in other countries, to some extent, is synonymous to assisting people in the home country. In 2014, hundreds of US and UK doctors and nurses were sent to African countries to cope with the outbreak of Ebola, a dreadful plague, which had killed many thousands by that time. This action prevented the plague from further spreading to other nations, including the US and the UK themselves, considering that there was a free movement of people between countries and there were millions of African migrant workers in the US and the UK at that time. In addition, the act of supporting people all around the world may promote a sense of humanity, which is essential to the sustainable development of the world, because humanity is the foundation of peace and stability.

 

To conclude, governments must provide assistance for citizens of other countries for a clear reason that this feasible act could simultaneously enhance a global sense of humanity and assure their own nationals of a proper living environment.

 

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2 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Helping people in need cross the world has constantly evolved as a dominant debate among nations in recent years. There are a number of people who subscribe to the standpoint that it is impossible to support every habitant in the globe, so authorities should only concentrate on citizens of their own communities. Personally, I strongly disagree with this perception.

There is undeniable the fact that governments should be more caring about the lives of residents in their own nations instead of helping overseas citizens. In order to monitor nations effectively and appropriately, authorities have significantly realised that improving the conditions of living is the most important policy regarding to welfare. Through sufficient programs to enhance the face of society, people in their communities would be happier and wealthier, which contribute the substantial development for nations as well as solidarity among ethnic minorities throughout countries.

On the other hand, I am persuaded that apart from looking after local people facing difficulties, governments should also attempt to assist struggling people in other nations. Countries around the world always share the same idea that diplomacy is playing an essential role for not only the growth of communities but also distributing the peace cross the world. Although some nations continuously encountered multiple obstacles in economics and other domestic issues, they still encourage their own residents to donate money and other commodities to help humans in need in other countries where taking place emergent circumstances such as refugee crisis or natural disasters. The help no matter how value it is usually contains the message of contribution to transfer the power for those are much less fortunate in life. By doing those activities, diplomatic relationship among countries will more better and closer, probably develop as strategic trading partners in global and regional levels.

To conclude, in spite of supporting people in its own countries is vital and needs to be implemented, I am of opinion that governments should assist citizens of their neighborhood countries through aiding necessary items such as food, fresh water, etc. Helping all people cross the world is an effectively diplomatic measurement to deal with domestic problems emerging and create the leverage for economic growing speed.

(363 words) Mong mọi người ra tay giúp đỡ góp ý cho bài viết của mình ạ, có gì mình sẽ giúp lại ạ.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (138 điểm)

Helping people in need cross around the world has constantly evolved as a dominant debate among nations in recent years. There are a number of people who subscribe to the standpoint that it is impossible to support every habitant in the globe, so authorities should only concentrate on citizens of their own communities. Personally, I strongly disagree with this perception.

There is undeniable the fact that the governments should take more care of/ pay more attention on be more caring  about the lives life quality of their own residents in their own nations instead of helping overseas citizens. In order to monitor nations effectively and appropriately, authorities have significantly realised that improving the conditions of living is the most important policy regarding to welfare. Through sufficient programs to enhance the face of society, people in their communities would be happier and wealthier, which contribute the substantialy to the development for of nations as well as solidarity among ethnic minorities throughout countries.

On the other hand, I am persuaded that apart from looking after local people who are facing difficulties, the governments also should also attempt to assist struggling people in other nations. Countries around the world always share the same idea that diplomacy is playing plays an essential role for not only the growth of communities scoceties  but also distributing the peace cross the world ( mình chỉ mới thấy có all over the world, around the world, thorough the world , across the country or across nations chứ chưa thấy across the world bao giờ. Are you sure ). Although some nations continuously encountered multiple obstacles in economyics and other domestic issues, they still encourage their own residents to donate money and other commodities to help humans in need in other countries where emergent circumstances are taking place taking place  emergent circumstances such as refugee crisis or natural disasters. The help no matter how value it is usually contains the message of contribution to transfer the power ?for those are much less fortunate in life. By doing those activities, diplomatic relationship among countries will be more much  better and closer, probably develop as strategic trading partners in global and regional levels.

To conclude, in spite of the fact that / although supporting people in its own countriyes is vital and needs to be implemented, I am of opinion that the governments should assist citizens of their neighborhood countries through aiding necessary items such as food, fresh clean water, etc. Helping all people cross around the world is an effectively diplomatic measurement to deal with  emerging domestic problems emerging and createing  the leverage for economic growth growing speed.

Như mình đã nhận xét ở một bài trước, Nếu bài của bạn viết là two-side arguement, thì trong introduction bạn nên nói là tuy rằng bạn cẩm thấy điều này OK nhưng bạn favour điều kia hơn. Còn ở đây bạn viết là strongly disagree thì mình thấy bạn nên viết là one-side thì đúng hơn

cảm ơn bạn nhiều về vụ one-side hay two-side do mình cũng đang confused about that problem

Còn issue ...the world thì mình thấy có nhiều người viết như thế vẫn ổn mà, ý mình là kể cả science writer cũng viết thế nên mình thấy ổn nên viết.

Please post your eassy to help me more better off. Thanks in advance
0 phiếu
Modern societies nowadays develop both in their sizes and qualities. Many countries are pleased to help the other poor ones but not every government have enough strength to do this. In my point of view, helping all people in the world is still a controversy topic amongs many countries and this essay will discuss the issue in more detail.

On the one size, it is easily to realize that helping people in other regions, nations costs a lot of wealth and efforts of one nation. Because of the maintainance in helping others, the people in their own countries can criticize the governments for wasting money while there are still numberous problems need to be concerned themselves. Furthermore, if one nation help other nation for a long period of time, the helped one may become depend on the outside resources. Worse, it could end up by leading to a misunderstanding that rich governments take care of other people outside their countries in order to control those more easily.

However, on the other side, I think that world must share efforts in special events, espcially the disasters. For instant, the earthquake in Indian Ocean caused a huge tsunami and it hit a wide region at Southern Asia in 2004. This disaster caused a large number of deaths and uncountable loss in economic of involved countries. Back in those days, there were a lot of countries, organizations, governments, even the developing countries which were not rich at that time, were also aided the injuries in several ways such as medicals, foods, supplies, etc,.. This showed the sense of humanity has no border and went beyond the shortage of wealth.

All in all, I have my own reasons to believe that government should spend a little efforts to help people in the world but in an allowed limitation. By Ignoring the politics, economics, helping others will make the world closer and more friendly.
319 words
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đã góp ý bởi (11 điểm)

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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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