Hi Ngochoa! I am a newbie on this forum too. I will give some personal feedbacks for your essay. I hope you will find them useful. If I say something wrong, don't be upset.
Task response: You discuss 2 view detailedly; however you do not point out your opinion clearly enough.
Cohension and coherence: Your paragraph structure is good: topic sentence -> supporting setences. However linking words should be used in a better way.
Lexical resource: I wonder rightness of some phrasal nouns as: detrimental threat; create noise; differing views.
In addition, there are some typos (spelling mistakes)
Grammartical range and accuracy:
Range: all sentences is PS (Present Simple); Conditional sentences: no; Passive voice: no;
Accuracy: noise is one of a detrimental ... it seems illogically because "one of a"
could possibly... it seems two words for one meaning
you seem overuse "seem"
I suggest you rewrite the introduction and conclusion
Overally your essay is good; however you should be more careful about spelling.