ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.2k Bài viết

3.1k Góp ý

2k bình luận

16.8k thành viên

TOPIC task 2 tuần này ngày 09/01/2016 :

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

-------------------------------------------------

 

Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết).
- Các bạn sẽ cùng viết, vote và nhận xét bài lẫn nhau trong Topic này.
- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point).
 
Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

--------------------

Bài viết mẫu Band 8.0+ cho Đề thi IELTS tại Việt Nam ngày 09/01/2016

Band        : 8.0+

Written by: Tu Pham (Head teacher at IPP IELTS www.ippielts.com)

In đậm: các từ, collocations và phrases hay

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Teaching history for schoolchildren has been a heated topic constantly.  There is a common belief that local history is more important to children than world history. However, I disagree with this belief.

I believe the notion that local history is more valuable than world history should be rejected. Some people may claim that the insights into the local historical values are completely enough for one to live. Their claim could be true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communications were between people of the same race and origin. However, this view is now outdated, as the world has become globalised and international business and migrant workers have made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s history would enable future local workers to reinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates from that country.

In addition, I am strongly convinced that children would benefit the most only when the learning of local history is placed parallel to that of world history. To understand a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even world context in that historical era into consideration. For example, children should acknowledge that the event that Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 only happened after a series of relevant events in the World War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. In this way of learning, children would understand history more deeply and thoroughly.

All the existing data has provided a concrete foundation that the study of local history should always be parallel to that of world history. This practice would guarantee that children learn history more comprehensively and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.

( 298 words )

 

 

Rating: 5.53
đã hỏi trong Chữa đề ielts hàng tuần bởi (-141 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

5 góp ý

0 phiếu
Nhờ mọi người góp ý. Cảm ơn.

In recent years, many people have argued that school should concentrate more on teaching regional history instead of world history. Although I agree with this point of view, there could be a case for saying that learning world historical events is also important for children.

First of all, amongst there are several advantages associated with learning local past, the most significant of which is to understand thoroughly the origin and meaning of traditional events, customs and so on of their motherland. Therefore, the youngsters could maintain the valuable tradition for the next generation. Furthermore, local history is a storehouse of information about how the ancestors had lived, had thought and had fought to protect their land. For example, by listening about the rebellion of Trưng Sisters against the ruling yoke of Qin dynasty to liberate Vietnam, Vietnamese children could understand the value of freedom and respect the sacrifice of their ancestors. Accordingly, teaching local history is synonymous with educating about patriotism.

However, we should not underestimate the importance of world history. In order to understand more thoroughly and more deeply the regional past, it is necessary to relate the local historical events with corresponding world conditions. For instance, when studying about the Communist Party, which ruled Vietnam beginning in 1945, it is indispensable to acknowledge that the October revolution in Russia helped Nguyen Ai Quoc, later founder of the Vietnamese Communist Party, find the way to liberate Vietnam through Marxism ideology. Furthermore, as the world has become globalized, knowing the history of other countries is beneficial. People are prone to approach and support people who express respectfulness of the local culture and history. Consequently, it provides more opportunities for children to work and make friends with foreigners.

In conclusion, it is my belief that although local history is more necessary, world history has its important role. I am convinced that the study of local history should parallel with world history so the children could apprehend history more effectively.
Rating: 6.34
đã góp ý bởi (57 điểm)
0 phiếu
History is an important subject in curricula of most schools with varied contents covering the past of from small communities to large world. However, some people advocates that local history should be a priority for being taught at schools while world history can be listed out of subject range. Personally, I completely disagree with this opinion.

On the one hand, I accept that local history is a crucial theme in teaching and learning such subject. The primary reason is that local history provides school students with the events happening in the past or origins of objects which are the closet to them. It is an interesting experience when students have chance to explore  what they think to be very familiar but the stories about their past still make them surprised. When I was at primary school, I felt very excited when my teacher introduced about the house in my neighborhood that had ever been a meeting venue of combatants in the revolutions against colonization by foreign enemies. Such historical knowledge like that would make learners feel more proud of their homeland and gradually become a spritual partern in the live of each individual.

On the other hand, I argue that the world history is an indispensable topic which should also be learnt in history classes. Firstly, the past of all humandkind helps learners to open their knowledge horizon which is extremely unlimited and never stop their cusiority. For instance, the introductions of the past of land and people in remote places like America and Africa continents would stimulate the imagination of children and inspire themselves. In addition, the lessson learnt from world history is proven to contribute to develop individuals’ behavior and sense of morality. Two World Wars may remind young generation about the huge losses and hurts which would orient them to live altogether and behave to each other in the peace. In general, It is can be said that world history helps not only broaden one’s knowledge but establish the peaful future for human race.

To conclude, I agree that both local history and world history are indispensible subjects at school and both should be compulsory to be taught at schools.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (66 điểm)
0 phiếu

Em mới tập viết, rất mong được các thầy cô góp ý ạ. Xin cám ơn
The content of history subject in education is becoming a controversial problem around the world. While some people claim the world history should be taught more than the local one, I firmly believe that native history plays a much more significant role in terms of children education.

Focusing more on international history could lead to negative effects in schoolchildren due to several reasons. The first obvious matter is that children are overwhelmed their brains by striving themselves to remember all the international history events which is really hard to fully understand even with adults. For example, I can't remember the names of all countries involving in World War 2 although I was taught so many times when I was in primary school. In addition,    it is evident that almost the historic knowledge about the world is only useful with the researchers or experts in history. For that reason, educators doesn't need to teach too much world history for those who are not being trained to become the historians. 
On the contrary, it is necessary for every children to learn deeply about the history of their own countries. By learning carefully these knowledge from very young age, the patriotism of pupils is raised inside their minds naturally. Consequently, schoolchildren would be seriously aware about their duties and their contribution for their home countries when they mature. For instance, many develop countries like Japan always put their priorities on teaching local history in order to promote their national spirits. Furthermore, not as difficult to learn as the historic days of the world, the important country events are easier for children to remember as all these events are related to their life. As learners can witness the evidences of the milestone of their countries like historic buildings or national day, the lessons about their country's history are more clearly and useful than the international historic knowledge. 

To conclude, it is clear that native history plays an indispensable part in children education in every country. I strongly recommend educators and goverments to concentrate on teaching local history instead of world history for their new generations. 
 

 

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/4594/ielts-writing-task-2016-more-important-schoolchildren-learn-about-local-history-than

Rating: 7.00
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
0 phiếu
Some people believe that teaching national history in schools is essential than global history. Personally, I completely disagree with this belief because students will have benefits when they learn both local and world histories.

Learning about world history is beneficial for all school children. The first advantage is that it facilitates students to understand national history more clearly and deeply within a whole world context. Obviously, most national historical events are relevant to the world context. For example, students should comprehend that Vietnamese people regained the reunification in 1975 after defeating the U.S army and its puppet regime, only happened a series of relevant events around the World, among those there are demonstrations of American people against their government. Another profit is that world history education will support students to become global citizens. Studying global history will bring students to knowledge about the histories and cultures of nations. This will contribute to preparing young people for college studies, international experience, and essential skills in global life.

Along with the world history education, school children should have deep knowledge about their local history. It helps to foster in children national pride and respect as well as a sense of identity and belonging. For example, every Vietnamese student should be taught that the 1975 Spring Victory liberated southern Vietnam and reunified the nation, opening a new period of national construction and defense. This victory stemmed from patriotism, the desire for peace, independence, freedom, and national reunification as well as Vietnam’s military art and unity under the creative leadership of the Communist Party of Vietnam and international support and solidarity. Consequently, through the lessons from local history will enhance children’s love to their nation and country.

In conclusion, both world and local histories should be taught together. It would help to ensure children to understand history more comprehensively as well as contribute to preparing them to be global citizens later on.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (37 điểm)
0 phiếu

 

các bạn xem essay của mình có ổn ko nhé? mình cần vài nhận xét cơ bản

Essay topics: When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the distribution of salary to employees. Some people state that graduated students are standing at the top of fulfillment with higher salary; others believe that non-graduated people should be paid higher earnings. In my view, I agree to appreciate ones who are certified and qualified by college's degrees

First of all, people who attend and graduate from university should be treated to earn higher income because of their job-related skill taught in the universities. In the long term of educational process in universities, the students obtain variety of knowledge which is relevant about their career's orientation. For instance, Universities provide theoretical knowledge associated with practical skills such as scientific experiment, chemical laboratory which make college student highly confident and quickly adaptive to every single of working environment. Indeed, people who excel at universities gain appreciation and credibility to be paid higher salary in workplace

This is not to say that targeting or recruiting on both graduated students and those without it is not an ideal idea to see through and therefore they should be examined with temporary tasks before entering workplaces. If the companies don’t undertake elimination of entrance’s exams to applicants, they can’t count on the working efficiency of its employees. So, people whoever are either graduated or non-graduated should be carried out evaluations by recruiters

In conclusion, Graduated students should be given a top priority to be applied to enter the workplaces. However, we should not ignore the evaluating process so that employers can make proper decision for those who perform in casual tasks.

Rating: 3.50
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

1 góp ý
đã hỏi 11 Tháng 3, 2016 trong Opinion bởi leha.anh (4 điểm)
...