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Question: Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
 
My answer:
 
Juveniles are being stressed out more than ever due to increasingly selective schools and pushy parents. This essay will zoom into these two main causes and propose some measures to ease their pressures.
 
To begin with, the competition for prestigious schools is getting so fierce that kids are drawn into a non-stop race. They constantly have to compete with their peers to get in the best schools which will increase their opportunities to land well-paid jobs at reputable organizations. Sometimes kids set the bar so high they end up never being satisfied with their performance.
 
Moreover, helicopter parents are unknowingly adding to the stress of their kids. They want their children not only to stand out at school but also excel in sports, music and art in a hope to live out unfulfilled dreams through their children. Unfortunately, those born to these parents tend to live in fears of failures, or even worse, cheat to get what their parents want.Several actions should be taken to depressurised children. First of all, it's important that schools are driven by the enjoyment of learning rather than by grades, with less exams and more team-work assignments. Secondly, social organisations should organise  workshops more frequently to help kids manage their stress of study or school admissions. Thirdly, parents should let kids develop their talents naturally and respect how they want pursue their dreams. Last but not least, they should encourage to children to work hard but at the same time embrace their mistakes, failures and imperfection.
 
All in all, increasingly competitive school admissions and pushy parenting are overwhelming children and making their lives much harder. To help alleviate their accelerating pressures, families, schools and social organisations should ensure a more relaxing education system, prepare kids emotionally and give them some freedom.
 
(296 words)
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Great work !

Mình nghĩ b nên chia phần causes và phần sollution riêng ra để mọi người đọc cho dễ hiểu. Mỗi phần nên có một câu tóm tắt ý của cả đoạn.
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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