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TOPIC task 2 tuần này ngày 03/12/2015 :

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Rating: 3.45
đã hỏi trong Chữa đề ielts hàng tuần bởi (-141 điểm)
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5 góp ý

0 phiếu
I think that government and individuals are not spending too much money on national celebrations. Because it brings many benefit for society and national economics.

Spending money on national celebrations affects positively to society. Firstly, people have the time and the places to rest or to play. They have many opportunities relaxing after their busy days at works. If Tet holiday is not organized, people will not time to rest and time for their family. Secondly, spending money to organized celebrations help people maintain the national traditions. Nowadays, more foreign festivals are imported. The young people are attracted by them and forget the traditional festivals. For example, in many cities children don’t parade lantern in The Middle Moon. Thirdly, this is good approach to educate for children about their national culture. Before Tet holiday, the many programs teach children method to make Chung cake.

On the other hand, spend money on national celebrations is a beneficial investment. The festivals will attract many tourists and local residents will receive much revenue from buying souvenirs and the services. In Hue’s festival, there are billions people to attend. This helps the hotels, restaurants earn much money. Moreover, celebrations promote economic development. In days of celebrations, consumption increases dramatically. People purchase goods, go to shopping to prepare for celebrations. In Tet holiday, they often buy many beautiful cloths for their family, many presents for relationship.

From the reason mentioned above, I believe the actions of investing on national celebrations is a wise response of government to people’s expectation.
Rating: 6.63
đã góp ý bởi (11 điểm)

In general, I think you have good ideas and good way of extending them. Since you are already fluent at using English to write an essay, I think it's time for you to use some kind of "classy, fabulous" word to make your essay look much better. Therefore, I think you should change this "introduction" abit.

think that government and individuals are not spending too much money on national celebrations. Because it brings many benefit for society and national economics.

Could say:  Since celebrating national holidays can bring back many benefits not only for the society but also for the economy. In my opinion, it is  worth spending money for national celebrations in both government level and individual level.

If Tet holiday is not organized, people will not (have) time to rest and time for their family.

For example, in many cities children don’t parade (with)  lantern (on their hands) in The Middle Moon (Middle Autumn)

spending money to organized (organize)

more foreign festivals are imported (introduced)

The young people are attracted by them and forget the traditional festivals: usually in a sentence, people dont use "to be" and "verb" as parallel, avoid doing that.

Before Tet holiday, the many programs (are organized) teach children method to make Chung cake.

On the other hand, spend money on national celebrations is a beneficial investment: usually they say "good investment" or "attractive invesment"; and also "investment" is some kind of financial vocab. I think " a good way of improving the economy" is a better expression.

The festivals will attract many tourists and local residents will receive much revenue from buying souvenirs and the services (purchased by tourists)

there are billions people to attend

 

I think your essay is okay, just try to use a diversity of words and structures, you will make it look better.

Best,

 

+1 phiếu

The oversexpansion of special events either in expenditure or scale is publicly recognised phenomenon across the world . Although this shall bring enormous number of advantages , the reversed aspect is considerably conspicuous

One the one hand , the primary reason of spreading national celebrations do not stem from entertainment , but from advertisment . In fact, the more national budget is poured into holding an special event , the more country's reputation will be known . Such an action directly propagate the national images from local custom in particular to strongly national identity in general , which predipose to the development of tourism and business. Besides , it is convenient to link the wide variety of festive season to the family reunion period ,when every family members have opportunities to warm up relationship.

One the other hand , there are also several disadvantages simultaneously accompaning with the real validtity of festival . Firtsly, the defering of workload ( except for tourism ) would be unavoidable, which results in works in abeyance  , if the interval of relaxation time prolong excessively . Secondly , it is irrefutable fact that the output of any long and exacting celebration is a myriad of environmental issue . Not only do festival attenders leave stacks of rubbish , but they also indirectly make a contribution in pollution such as sound, traffic and the like . An salient exemplification that everybody often equate with this quandary is Asian ( China, Vietnam etc) celebration ,where the majority of citizen undeliberately throw tons of garbage while they are being in a particular special events

In conclusion ,had it not been for the unfavorable aspect that i mentioned above , neither the efficacy of national celebration nor that of folk festivals would have been worth elucidating furthermore

Rating: 6.80
đã góp ý bởi (84 điểm)

Your essay is truly oustanding but some mistakes should be corrected, typically in spelling.

Oversexpansion........Over-expansion

Advertisment.......................advertisement

I think that "besides" is used the wrong structure because "besides" = in addition to, that means after besides, you have to use a noun or a phrase.

"every family members have.."---------"every member in families has", "every + singular noun"

"if the interval of relaxation time prolong excessively" i think that "prolong" should be added "s" because I think "the interval of relaxation time" is sigular noun.

"everybody often equate.."......."everybody often equates"

"a particular special events"....cancel "a"

Hope you see something useful. Thanks.

The oversexpansion of special events either in expenditure or scale is (a) publicly recognised phenomenon across the world

defering of workload ->deferring workload.

I have read through your essay.

Task achievement: good

Coherence and cohesion: good organization and structures

Resource: sufficient amount of vocabs, allows some flexibility in using vocab

Grammar: use both simple and complex structures.

I think you have skills for writing at higher level such as academic writing or argumental.

Best,

Thank for all your kindly constructive comments ! Although I knew all my  mistakes that everyone mentioned to me above , I didn't  recognize why I frequently had reiterated these errors whenever I wrote essay :))
0 phiếu
Global citizens as well as governments all over the world nowadays have a tendency of spending much more budget on organizing national celebrations, namely festivals, New Year Eve and other public events. Whether this phenomenon is having impact on a country or not. In my view, I would argue that this concern, to some extent, brings both benefits and drawbacks.

First, it is obvious that holding up hundreds of celebrations in a nation every year certainly enables its people to have a wide range of entertainment services. As a matter of fact, national holidays, New Year Eve, Christmas Eve, to name but a few, are the best chance for millions of workers to gather around with their family, have friend meetings as well as take their time to do various kinds of their favorite activities to their heart’s content. More importantly, by having several long days off work, they stand a good chance of letting their hair down after knocking themselves out doing lots of work to meet both ends meet.

However, this is not to say that national celebrations and holidays should be held up continuously during a year, except for extremely big and indispensable ones, due to their influence on the country’s economy is not positive. For example, individuals’ excessive expenditure on country celebrations means that they have to drop out off the workplace for days or even weeks and this would definitely has a huge impact on the whole company’s productivity since there are no workers left to do their jobs. Consequently, that country’s economy will significantly be going down and affecting people’s living standards.

In sum,  worldwide governments and individuals should shoulder their responsibility to tackle this phenomenon as soon  as possible. Meanwhile, they ought to figure out what approach is best for them as well as take into consideration the pros and cons of spending too much money on national celebrations. Only by doing so can every single country develop more wealthy and prosperously.

(329 words).

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/4453/ielts-writing-government-individuals-spending-money-national-celebrations-like
Rating: 7.40
đã góp ý bởi (23 điểm)
"global citizens" : I understand that you want to say "people all around the world", however, using the "global citizens" phrase is not suitable here. Recently, global citizens is defined as specifically for people working with international issues (https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/what-is-a-global-citizen/)

holding up: this phrase means "wait" or a slang word means "how are you doing". I think you used it in a wrong way. "Set up" or just "hold" are better chocie.

drop out off: drop out of means that "stop doing or quit doing sth". National celebrations do not make people quit their jobs.

In general,

Task achievements: good, answers all the questions. Tendency to generalize a bit in the second argument.

Coherence and cohesion: good organization.

Resource: attempts to use less common words, some minor mistakes in word choice

Grammar: use both simple and complex structures.
0 phiếu
It is no secret that both individuals and governments tend to spend a large sum of money on both national celebrations and festivals alike. Argued by many, is that this spending pattern is exuberant and entirely unnecessary. However, others believe that the spending is entirely justified and, despite the large sums involved, actually entirely reasonable in such circumstances. I personally agree with the latter sentiment, and through this essay will explain why that is the case.

 

To begin with, the argument generally brought forth by anti-spending advocates is that for both individuals and governments, the amount of spending is a major waste. Firstly, when it comes to individuals, the amount spent by an average Joe on an average day may not even amount to a hundred dollars. However when it comes to the festive seasons, the spending could skyrocket to thousands of dollars. This is due to additional costs of travel, accommodation, merchandises and other categories of expenditure that is incurred during the occasions. Obviously, all these extra money could have been saved, if they so choose to not attend the occasion. Secondly, with governments, it is often known that they could spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions or tens of millions on national celebrations and festivals; which could have been used to support other considerations, such as enhancing education or combating poverty. For example, this same amount of money could allow many more children to attend school, or perhaps even directly feed the hungry.

 

On the other hand, there are good reasons for such expenditures during these special events as well. For individuals, many of these occasions are the only times during the year they could take a break from their busy work life and re-unite with loved ones, or perhaps even just take some time off to truly enjoy life. After all, money is only a tool to live a life, and for many, nothing else could constitute a worthwhile life than good times spent, especially with their close ones. Therefore, to them, the amount of money they have to spend is entirely justified, even if the amount really is much more than on average. As for government spending, it is often necessary to look past the face value, given that much of it could generate much more money for the government than what has been used up. For example, many national celebrations that involves the use of fireworks could already amount to millions of dollars of spending, for that just one event. However, that same event could garner a large amount of international interest, drawing in large swathes of tourists that of course would contribute to the nation’s economy. Additionally, such events could also promote the nation’s image to the world, which could very well be entirely priceless.

 

Therefore, it is clear that there are both advocates for and against the high spendings of individuals and governments during national celebrations and festivals. However, it is clear that the simple belief that governmental spendings during such occasions could be better spent elsewhere is rather short-sighted, as such spending could generate much more money, which then in turn could be even better applied elsewhere. Additionally, despite whether or not individuals could indeed save money during celebrations and festivals, it is nonetheless their own personal choices. In the end, if they find that it is worthwhile, then the spending is never too much.

 

In conclusion, it is clear that spending by governments and individuals, whilst a lot, should definitely not be regarded as over the top. Perhaps for governments specifically, it is important to be more transparent with their expenditures, profits and re-investments, so that it is clear where money goes to exactly, and hence being entirely visible as to what the spendings amount to. Otherwise, spending amounts can be continued as is.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (11 điểm)
0 phiếu

TOPIC task 2 tuần này ngày 03/12/2015 :

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

-------------------------------------------------

It is widely argued that national events such as new year or festivals are recieving too many fundings from our cabinets and citizens which is wasteful and unnecessary since money could be spent in other fields. In my opinion, although successful public celebrations could be beneficial for many different countries and cultures, there is no need to concentrate too much resources on them.

Clearly, both individuals and governments fully take advantage of their national ceremonies in many aspects from a boost in tourist industry to a closer relationship between people with different nationalities. As a result, investing cash on celebrating festivals in order to make sure the meaning and importance of them can be featured better is considered a vital need of nations. Typically, the investment could help develop the quality and length of a variety of services and activities during the events which is likely to make a deep impression in not only tourist but also the public.

However, the ostentation in a national celebration which is caused by huge investments would not be a great choice for a nation simply because this could affect negatively to local life and economy especially with less developed countries. In my peripheral view, there are many other problems that deserve attention and resource from the communities. For example, poor education system and polluted atmosphere are too major issues in Africa that need much money to carry out an effective solution.

In conclusion, over-spending on national ceremonies which is a truly international phenomenon should be limited. In general, a nation should focus on solving their problems before thinking about gaining more enjoyment through their activities in their celebrations.   

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (56 điểm)

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