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TOPIC task 2 tuần này ngày 21/11/2015 :

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Rating: 6.47
đã hỏi trong Chữa đề ielts hàng tuần bởi (-141 điểm)
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7 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Mong anh chị hạ cố xem giúp em với, em sắp thi rồi nên nhờ mọi người cho em lời khuyên. Em cảm ơn nhiều

The recruitment of qualified workers has constantly evolved as a major concern of topic in recent years. Nowadays, while multiple students enter universities for academic purposes, there are a number of citizens who subscribe to the viewpoint that as many as adults should be activated to study in vocational training programs to create eligible human resources. Personally, I strongly contend that the conception will significantly generate extraordinary benefits for the development of society.

There is no disputing the fact that a lot of bachelors graduated universities have been lacking of essential expertise in professional environment as present. Thereby, supposing that amount of students participated in apprenticeship projects and approached knowledge in reality, they would considerably improve their suitable skills to overcome tough chosen procedures of headhunters. Another noteworthy explanation supporting this cognition is that the engagement into vocational training costs a shorter educating progress as well as cheaper tuition than in tertiary education. Such qualified workers can produce high quality merchandise that meets sophisticated requirements of global market.

On the other hand, although the statement brings about several profitable elements, that still contains some drawbacks. In case that a plenty of learners only enrolled in vocational schools and very fewer residents accepted to pursue academic studies, intellectual property resources of nation would tremendously be exacerbated. Vocational students left institutes simply assemble set of parts in products such as motorbikes, cars, etc in accordance with available processes. Previously, they cannot innovate new patents as experts and inventors can do. Oppositely, scholastic curriculum in universities aims to supply in-depth comprehension regarding to scientific branches so that scientists might easily research and create updated innovation to replace old fashion machines.

In conclusion, in spite of some stumbling blocks of apprenticeship schools, I am of opinion that society should encourage as many students as possible if they are interested in these programs to generate productive employees with eligible conditions.

(315 words)

Rating: 6.38
đã góp ý bởi (138 điểm)

There is no disputing (dispute) the fact that a lot of bachelors graduated universities have been lacking of essential expertise in professional environment as present.

exacerbated: this word means something is made worse or is made to be in bad situation. I dont think more students coming to vocational school will make the intellectual property worse. This word is a bit too much for the expression. I think the word "shrinked" is a better choice. 

Vocational students left institutes (after leaving institutes are only qualified enough to) simply assemble set of parts in products such as motorbikes, cars, etc in accordance with available processes  (prototype)

I think your essay is very good, you have a good command of vocab and grammar, you addressed all the requirement of the coherence and task achievement.

I am sure you will do quite well on your exam. Good luck and Best.

Mod

Thank for your outstanding comment that is very helpful. But in the first comment, I used "there is no disputing the fact that" because I picked up that structure into IELTS BOOK written by experts in this field. Please explain my concern, I appreciate your interpretation in advance.Thanks.
Hi,

I am sorry if my comments caused any troubles for you. Actually, I studied for TOEFL, therefore, I dont use that much kinda word in essays.

Best,

Mod
0 phiếu

Tháng sau mình thi rồi, các bạn góp ý giúp mình với

The debate over the question of whether or not students should be encouraged to attend vocational courses instead of universities and colleges has been heated constantly. I would contend that high quality workers are more necessary than university graduates in labour market thesedays.

 
There are various reason why the young tend to go to universities. Firstly, most students who have finish their high school programme usually desire to go to higher levels of knowledge while vocational schools are underestimated and neglect subtaintially. The explaination for this trend is their conception that they are convinced universities and colleges are easier and faster way to succeed in future with high salary and unoccupied work. Besides, the number of universites established has been increased for recent years for the purpose of universalizing higher education. Students has mutiple choice of schools and easy access to them suitable to everyone's ability.
 
Nevertheless, government should implement effective measures to attract students' attention to vocational trainning. Firstly, the authorities need to promote financial investment in vocational schools because they play an essential part in education system which is a large source of supply of  qualified workers to society. Secondly, to encourage students to join vocational schools, governments should design a more engaged and practical trainning that approciate by learners.
To conclude,although there a accelerating trend of attending universities in industrial life, students will be active in do vocational trainning if authorities conduct adequate measures in near future.
 
Rating: 5.15
đã góp ý bởi (17 điểm)

There are various reasons why the young tends to go to universities. Firstly, most students who have finished their high school programme programs usually desire to go to higher levels of knowledge education while vocational schools are underestimated and neglected subtaintially.

explaination: incorrect. The correct form  is explanation

unoccupied work: I would prefer the word "white-collar work"

Students has (have) mutiple choices of schools and easy access to them (be careful, by saying "them" - what are you refering to here? schools or students?) suitable to everyone's ability.

because they play an essential part in education system which is a large source of supply of  qualified workers to society. : this sentence, if you write it like this, readers will be thinking that "education system is a large source of supply of qualified workers".

I suggest you rewrite the sentence as following:

the authorities should promote financial investment in vocational schools, and treat them as an essential part of education system because these schools provide a large amount of qualified worker for the society.

Secondly, to encourage students to join vocational schools, governments should design a more engaged and practical trainning that approciate  are appriciated by learners.

To conclude,although there is a accelerating trend of attending universities in industrial life, students will be active in doing vocational trainning if authorities conduct adequate measures in near future.

 

In general, I think you have achieved the task requirement and good coherence.

However, there are still some mistakes in grammars and word formation.

I suggest you do proof-reading before finishing the essay so that you dont miss out anything. Any small mistakes with grammar or word formation could cost you  0.5

Good luck with your exam,

Best,

Mod
+1 phiếu
Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that there is an increasing number of high-school graduates to prefer enrolling in universities than vocational schools. This leads to a shortage of skilled workers for labor markets. Therefore, I completely agree with the idea that young people need to be urged to take a course in trade schools.

The achievement of students in vocational schools may ensure their success future. Obviously, the developing economies require a high demand of manual workers for production lines and service businesses. This means, upon graduating from career schools, students may have many job opportunities and seek employment easier than those with bachelor degrees of business or finance. For example, according to the report of Vietnam Ministry of Labour, War invalids and Social Affairs in 2015, we have redundant 200.000 people with the bachelor of economics while we lack hundred thousands of skilled workers such as welders, turner, machinist, and nurses in order to supply for labour markets.

Therefore, this policy may help to balance between two types of manpower: white-collar and blue-collar workers in society. Manual workers contribute to the growth of the economy as much as white-collar workers do in the office. If a country lacks skilled workers, its economics may have negative effects. For instance, national electrical supply systems not able to be operated well if there are not enough electricians to maintenance them monthly. As a result, factories and enterprises will be lost electrical power and effect directly on quality and quantity of product. This leads to damages for businesses in particular and economics in general.

In conclusion, labour markets are in a severe shortage of qualified workers, hence, encouraging youngsters to take part in trade schools are actually necessary to maintain the economic in good shape.
Rating: 8.60
đã góp ý bởi (37 điểm)

It is true that there is an increasing number of high-school graduates to (who )prefer enrolling

lack ->lack of

this policy may help -> helps

its economics may have negative effects. --> its economy might be negatively affected

national electrical supply systems not able --> will not be able

As a result, factories and enterprises will be lost electrical power and effect directly on quality and quantity of product --> factories and enteprises will not have eletrical power, the quality and quantity of products will also be directly affected.

In general, I think you have achieved a good command of grammars, presesnt clear ideas and extensions, just some small mistakes in expression and coherence.

Best,

Mod

Thanks for correction.

Hope Mod to continue fixing next essays for me.
0 phiếu
giúp mình với, tháng sau mình thi rồi.

Nowadays, societies are developing at such fast pace that there is an urgent need for qualified workers, namely electricians, plumbers, etc. While a great deal of people choose to attend university for academic study, is it necessary to encourage people to opt for vocational training instead of spending many years going to university? In my view, it is definitely wiser to enter the university entrance before going in for any occupations.

First, it is obvious that attending university gives us an abundance of advantages. For instance, we are allowed to have access to enormous acadamic lectures given by many eminent professors on the future career that we pursue. Therefore, students will be able to gain more academic knowledge on that subject and are able to put these academic theories into practice. Hence, their future career would definitely be greatly improved.

Moreover, we are also taught about other essential skills such as communication skills, interviewing skills as well as mastering vital soft skills, which are extremely valuable for students to meet the society’s need. Besides that, university is a great place where we can practice academic things that we have learned in class. As a result, we are less likely to make mistakes while performing job in our future career as we all may know the saying: “practice makes perfect”.

That is not to say that people should not be encouraged to attend vocational training school. In fact, it is also true that some people possibly think occupations like electricians or plumbers may not need to acquire such wide academic knowledge in university since their jobs are mainly manual and do not associate with many theories. However, university is always a good option as it enables us to all of the benefits mentioned above and helps us cope with awkward situations that we may face in reality.

In sum, the advantages of attending university for academic study of the career that we keen on  outweigh that of vocational training and even result in producing a much more experienced as well as qualified workers for these fields.

(345 words)
Rating: 7.10
đã góp ý bởi (23 điểm)

In my view, it is definitely wiser to enter the university entrance

Besides that, university is a great place where we can practice academic things that we have learned in class -> I think you have mentioned this point in the previous paragraph. Therefore, I think there is no need mentioning it again

In general,

I think you will do good on your exam since you have good command of grammar and vocab, good ideas and extensions, good coherence. It should be fine.

Best,

Mod

0 phiếu
People attend university to study academic because studying university can be very important for career’s people. However, it is not a only choice to your career. You can do vocational training for several reasons that are better for bad students and better for society.

Vocational training is a smart choice for bad students. Bad students will have to prepare for their careers without attending university. Instead of studying difficult theory that they never understand, they can learn the many necessary skills for their jobs. Besides, they will have many experiences as they are practiced. This makes people to find the jobs easily. Moreover, they save much time. Whether they go to university, they could not catch up lesson in the class. It is possible to get bored for them and to decrease education qualification. For example, if you don’t interested in class, you can sleep and finally you do not understand what the professor are teaching. And after graduated school, you do not have anything of yourself.

Vocational training will provide for society many qualified employment. Owing to training, learner have important skills and experiences to finish their works better. You could not thank a doctor to repair a television. Nowadays life is more modern than and people use more electrical machine. Therefore, society needs to many worker more. Most of people usually choose to learn university to become the teachers or professor. So, blue worker is lack very many. However, vocational training will do society to have many workers from the unemployed.

From the mention above, I thinks that if you could not belong to university, you should choose to do vocational training.
Rating: 5.60
đã góp ý bởi (11 điểm)

Bad students: before starting the essay, I think you should clear "bad students" definition. In my view, bad students are always those rebellious, those that are bullies. I also think that those rebellious students are the one having bad academic performance; however, it does not mean that "students with bad academic performance" are bad students.

as they are practiced -> as they are trained in vocational school

Moreover, they save much time -> they can save more time

Whether they go to university, they could not catch up lesson in the class. -> it is likely that when they go to university, they could not catch up with the lessons in class. As a result, the education efficiency of the university is decreased also.

Avoid using "you", it's not usually used in academic writing.

Owing to training -> thanks to the training

Nowadays life is more modern than (than what?) and people use more electrical machine. Therefore, society needs to many worker more. (more workers) Most of people usually choose to learn (come  to) university to become the teachers or professor. So, blue worker is lack very many. However, vocational training will do society to have many workers from the unemployed. So, blue-collar workers are seriously lacked in the society. However, if more students attend vocational training, the situation of unemployed workers will be solved.

In general, I think you  have presented clear ideas. But it seems that you have troubles in working with coherence and cohesion, vocabulary. Read through my comments and if you have any questions, pls contact me, I can explain in more details

Thanks for your kind words. :))
0 phiếu

Sửa giúp em bài này với ạ. Thanks.

 

In our comtemporary life, with the gradually improvement of the economy, the access to higher education has become an issue of broad interest. However, some people argue that the government should have policies to incentive more graduates with high qualification of tradespeople. I totally agree with the idea that more students need to be taken a course in vocational universities.

 

To begin with, the most important reason is that manual workers contribute to the growth of the economy as much as officer. This would lead to the increment of the economy would be negatively affected if a nation does not have qualified manual workers. As evidence of this is that the electricity system in a city could be at the risk of problems when they do not have enough electricians. Consequently, power supply to businesses would be untable and the operation of the economy will sharply decrease in the short-term.

 

Additionally, there are many advantages for worker who is looking for a job in  modern society. Recently, graduates from university are usually unemployment due to the high competition in the labour market. On the other hand, tradespeople would seek employment more easily because of vocational colleges often offer programs that are in high demand. This would enable them to guaranteed a job in factories after finishing these cousres. By doing this, many students with finance or business degree would jobless while manual workers such as plumbers will have a job with high salary and a successful future.

 

In conclusion, manual workers play an important role in society. If encouraging more young generation to attend trade universities, it will necessarily increase to the economy in the next century.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
Sorry, we only graded 5 first submitted essay.

Good luck next time! ;)
0 phiếu
The growing tendency to studying at university leads to the lack of qualified workers in many types of job in recent years. Although the academic study has a number of benefits, I strongly agree that young people should be inspired to enroll in trade schools.

It is undeniable that clear advantages of higher education leads to a large number of people takes a relentless effort to go to university. The main reason is that job market is becoming more competitive, so it requires having professional and skilled employees. Consequently, students go to university to get updated knowledge and skills that is vital to gain a well-paid job such as doctors and lawyers. Another benefit of undergraduate study is that it could help students widening their network of friends. This is an important factor in people’s future career. To illustrate, when you run your own company, having a wide range of relationship and cooperation could help boost up your business.

However, I firmly believe that more people should be encouraged to do career training because of several reasons. Firstly, completing a vocational program takes less time and tuition fee than earning a university degree. Hence, this type of learning is more appropriate for people who have less advantageous family background. In Vietnam, for example, it takes about 2 years to complete an electrical vocational training whereas you would need at least 4 years for academic study. Another reason is that vocational training specialize in providing practical experience and technical skills. As a result, students could quickly gain useful working skills and experience in actual situations, so they would find it easier to perform particular tasks when they join the labor force.

In conclusion, studying at and at vocational schools have different advantages. However, I believe that adjustment should be made to attract more vocational students because of the above reasons.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)

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