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TOPIC task 2 của tuần này ngày 14/11/2015 :

The consumption of the world's resources (oil, and water etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions?

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Bài viết mẫu Band 8.0+ cho Đề thi IELTS tại Việt Nam ngày 14/11/2015

372 words, Band 8.0+, written by Tu Pham - Head teacher at IPP IELTS www.ippielts.com

Màu xanh: các từ, collocations và phrases hay

The world natural resources are consumed at an ever-increased rate. What are the causes of this situation? What are the solutions?

 

The overconsumption of natural resources has evolved as a major topic of concern in recent years. This alarming trend is caused by a few factors, and it must be addressed by a number of definite actions.

The increasingly high level of exploitation of natural resources could be ascribed to a number of reasons. The most obvious reason is the tremendous demand for resources in developing countries, such as China and Brazil. The citizens of these countries are becoming increasingly wealthy, and they may now afford a living standard that is associated with a higher level of resource consumption. A clear example of this is the widespread use of cars among tens of millions of middle-income Chinese nationals, which may have contributed substantially to the burning of oil on a global scale. Besides, the over-dependence on natural resources, such as fossil fuels, is another significant reason to consider. In Vietnam, for example, the majority of electricity is generated in thermal power stations, in which a vast amount of coal is the burnt on a daily basis.

Some measures can be taken to mitigate the problem of over-consuming Earth’s resources. The most practical measure at the moment is to reduce the demand for resources in developing countries. This can be done by mass-producing energy-efficient products, such as hybrid cars, and selling these items at a low price to citizens of these nations. If such a measure is implemented, these people may still benefit from the modern living standard without over-consuming natural resources. Besides, the most sustainable solution is to lower the reliance on natural resources by taking advantage of alternative sources. For instance, wind and tidal power in the Netherlands, nuclear power in Japan and solar power in the United States have all proven their efficiency in energy production. These forms of energy should be used in other parts of the world as well, to minimise the global dependence on fossil fuels.

All the existing data provides a concrete foundation that the overexploitation of natural resources derives from the strong demand in developing countries and the over-reliance on these types of resources. Strong measures, such as reducing the aforementioned demand and making use of alternative energy sources, must be implemented to tackle this situation. 

 

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Nhờ mọi người sửa lỗi dùm.

In recent years, over-consumption of natural resources, such as oil and water has become apparently an issue that many people feel strongly about. This essay will discuss the principal reason for this phenomenon, as well as outline potential solutions.

First of all, there are several main reasons associated with the accelerating level of natural resources consumption, the most important of them is the significant decrease in the price of these natural resources. Thanks to many technological developments, we can exploit more easily and more effective resources from nature; therefore, the price of natural resources plummets. In other words, it encourages people to use these resources, particularly fossil fuel and simultaneously, hinders the efforts of converting to the sustainable alternatives, which cost enormous budget to research and develop. In addition, as standards of living have continued to rise recently, especially in developing countries such as China or Vietnam, more people are able to afford a higher level of resources. For example, because Vietnamese citizens become wealthier, they prefer driving cars or motorbikes than walking, so the time for moving is optimized.

In order to resolve these problems, there are some feasible solutions to be adopted. The most practical solution would be that the authorities impose higher taxes on natural resources, especially on fossil fuel. Not only would this be advantageous to the environment, but the money gained can also be used to develop renewable and sustainable resources. Another solution might be recommending that governments should raise citizen’s awareness about the importance of natural resources as well as the negative impact of over-consumption of them.

In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts illustrate why natural resources are over-consumed. However, I am convinced that these measures suggested above must be implemented to tackle this situation.
Rating: 1.60
đã góp ý bởi (57 điểm)

In recent years, over-consumption of natural resources, such as oil and water has become apparently an issue that many people feel strongly about. This essay will discuss the principal reason for this phenomenon, as well as outline potential solutions. (In my perspective, I think that your first sentence is not compatible because that does not match question's requirement. As the question indicates that "The consumption of the world's resources (oil, and water etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate", compared with your sentence that just mentioned about the phenomenon and did not outlined "dangerous rate")

In your second sentence, you should not use "the" and should exert plural noun for reason in "the principle reason". OR maybe you can use these words such as "dominant reasons" nhung nguyen nhan chu yeu, and feasible, auspicious solutions or measurements (giai phap kha thi)

First of all, there are several main reasons associated with the accelerating level of natural resources consumption, the most important of them is the significant decrease in the price of these natural resources. (I think this one can change into more slightly than you did, such as applying a complex structure: although there are multiple prime reasons in association with the accelerating level of natural resources exploitation, the most important cause among them is .....)

Thanks to many technological developments, we can exploit more easily and more effective resources from nature; therefore, the price of natural resources plummets. In other words (why did you use this phrase, why did not you apply "additionally" or "thereby" because to be honest, your previous sentence is a reason and your next sentence is consequence), it encourages people to use these resources, particularly fossil fuel and simultaneously (this suppliments for what, i guess you wanted to use together with "hinder" ---- "simultaneously hinder"), hinders the efforts of converting to the sustainable alternatives, which cost enormous budget to research and develop. (My advice is you should split over this sentence into two dependent sentences, as this sentence is just missing words up, readers would face challenges to understand your viewpoints).

In addition, as standards of living (as living standards) have continued to rise recently (Since the living standards have been significantly improving), especially in developing countries such as China or Vietnam, more people are able to afford a higher level of resources. For example, because Vietnamese citizens become wealthier, they prefer driving cars or motorbikes than walking, so the time for moving is optimized.


In order to resolve these problems, there are some feasible solutions to be adopted. The most practical solution would be that the authorities impose higher taxes on natural resources, especially on fossil fuel. Not only would this be advantageous to the environment, but the money gained can also be used to develop renewable and sustainable resources. Another solution might be recommending that governments should raise citizen’s awareness about the importance of natural resources as well as the negative impact of over-consumption of them.

In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts illustrate why natural resources are over-consumed. However, I am convinced that these measures suggested above must be implemented to tackle this situation.

 

The abovementioned comments is just my opinions, i hope that you can find something usefull. Keep up with!.

+1 phiếu

In recent years, over-consumption of natural resources, such as oil and water has become apparently an issue that many people are concerned about. This essay will discuss the principal reasons for this phenomenon, as well as outline potential solutions.

First of all, there are several main reasons associated with the accelerating level of natural resources consumption, the most obvious is the significant decrease in the price of these natural resources. Thanks to many technological developments, we can exploit resources from nature more easily. [v1] In other words, this encourages people to use these resources, particularly fossil fuel and simultaneously, hinders the efforts of converting to sustainable alternatives, which costs an enormous budget to research and develop. In addition, as standards of living have continued to rise recently, especially in developing countries such as China or Vietnam, more people are able to afford a higher level of resources. For example, because Vietnamese citizens become wealthier, they prefer driving cars or motorbikes to walking, thus consuming more fuels.

In order to resolve these problems, there are some feasible solutions to be adopted. The most practical solution would be that the authorities impose higher taxes on natural resources, especially on fossil fuel. Not only would this be advantageous to the environment, but the money gained can also be used to develop renewable and sustainable resources. Another solution might be recommending that governments should raise citizens’ awareness about the importance of natural resources as well as the negative impact of the over-consumption.

In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts illustrate why natural resources are over-consumed. However, I am convinced that the measures suggested above above must be implemented to tackle this situation.


 [v1]No need as this is mentioned earlier.

 

Rating: 0.70
đã góp ý bởi (5 điểm)
Thank you for your help.
0 phiếu
Mong mọi người xem xét:)

Nowadays, problem of natural resources’ overconsumption is being more and more alarming. There are a wide range of factors which can be considered as the major reasons of this issue. In this essay, both causes and some solutions will be outlined and discussed.

In recent years, people around the world are more aware of natural resources’ preservation, however, not many of them know that some main causes of this situation are being from human beings. First of all, overexploitation of natural resources has evolved as the most important reason for serious reduction of these kinds of energy. Clearly, many countries, especially developing nations, are facing up with overpopulation problem, which is not only the burden on national economy but also be associated with the tremendous demand for resources using in industrial fields and households. For instance, in Vietnam, the dramatic increase in population is likely to bring about many negative outcomes, and one of which is overexploitation and overconsumption of fossil fuels like gas, oil, and coal. However, Vietnam has not had alternative resources such as wind and tide energy in Holand or nuclear power in Japan and Russia, thus people in this country are over-dependent on exploitation of fossil fuels. Besides, the over-reliance on natural resources and not having any other update technological measures for conservation of energy form nature, are another significant factors for people to deal with. If a developing country like Vietnam is able to have another renewable resources such as solar energy or tidal power, it can be widely believed that the dependence on natural sources will reduce significantly.

To tackle this situation, some feasible measures are came up with and implemented in some nations. The most practical method should be carried out at this time is that people should properly reduce the consumption of natural resources. For example, they can use heating systems run by electrical source or solar energy instead of using gas or coal. Using public transports, for instance, can be an effective and efficient method to restrict the number of private vehicles, which are significantly consuming a large amount of natural resources. Meanwhile, governments in developing countries should spend a proportion of their national budget on investment in alternative energy’s systems, which are considerd to help decrease the over-reliance on fossil fuels and other natural resources.

In conclusion, some reasons why the consumption of the world's resources is increasing at an alarming rate are exactly defined. To mitigate this problem, it is necessary to combine both responsibilities of individuals and governments’ interference in all over the world.
Rating: 8.90
đã góp ý bởi (9 điểm)
0 phiếu
It is true that human is over-using the natural resource of the world at an alarming rate. There are several reasons for this problem, and some measures should be taken to solve it.

There are two primary reasons for overconsumption of Earth's resources. Firstly, there is a constant increase in global population that does not take into consideration the limited resources of the planet. The population growth leads to demand  goods increases. The larger number of human demand requires the higher quantity of resources, resulting in over-exploitation. Secondly, increasing conspicuous consumption is a reason for the waste of the Earth’s resources. Individuals are now consuming more than they did in some decades ago. As people become more prosperous they often buy goods in excess of their needs. For example, just look at how many cars, phones, and TVs a household has now compared to 30 years ago.

This situation calls for prompt actions. Some measures can be taken to mitigate the problem of over-consuming natural resources. The most practical measure is to control the population growth. Governments should have policies to urge people to implement family planning by providing information and safe, effective means of fertility regulation. This helps next generations not to face the shortage of natural resources. Another solution is that Governments should encourage people to save the natural resources by avoiding extravagant lifestyle and using reusable energy such as solar power, hydroelectric and wind power. These renewable resources may be the major component of a sustainable economy in order to replace a part of using fossil fuels.

In conclusion, there are two main reasons for the over-consumption of natural resource, but Governments should implement some solutions to tackle this problem.
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