Writing task 2 (26/9), chữa giúp mình bài education in prison với, mình cam ơn.
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Topic: Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce the crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay:

One of the main culprits of increasing crime in the modern society is the lack of knowledge of offenders. While some people believe that the best solution for this problem is educating law-breakers in prison, I argue that there are better measures which can be implemented to decline the number of crimes.

To begin with, it is undeniable that the education for prisoners during punishment time makes certain positive contributions. Firstly, when a person can find a suitable job which helps them to earn a living, they would not want to commit crimes anymore. With some practical skills that prisoners are taught in jail, they properly can comprehend and develop their stable career when returning to community. Second, moral lessons which are repeated daily also are factors deter criminal actions in the future. Since offenders can understand and feel regret with the consequences of their faults in the past, they would never dare to commit another crime in the later life.

However, despite of benefit which that form of education can bring, I still come up with more effective solutions to solve the issue. One of the feasible methods is imposing stricter punishments for criminals. It is because no one dares to break the law if they can realize the heavy price they have to pay after that. Another significant measure is raising the awareness of others people towards prison leavers to be able to treat them more fairly. The fact is that the ex-convicts tend to make other mistakes if they feel the negative bias from around peoples. Therefore, I suppose those solutions have more long-lasting impact on the reduction of crime.

In conclusion, although educating prisons is an effective way, it seems to me that enacting severe laws and changing community’s perspective are better measures. 

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Chào bạn, nhìn chung bài viết của bạn có bố cục rõ ràng, phần mở bài nêu rõ được quan điểm của mình.  Mình chỉ góp ý một số điểm nhỏ như sau:

1. Despite không đi với of, chỉ có in spite of 

2."when a person can find a suitable job which helps them", câu này ổn nhưng nếu bạn chuyển sang helping them là mệnh đề rút gọn thì sẽ hay hơn.

3.when returning to community: bạn có thể viết lại là after reintegrating into society (tái hòa nhập xã hội).

4. "moral lessons which are repeated daily also are factors deter criminal actions in the future": câu này mình nghĩ là có thể sửa lại: To deter criminal actions in the future, moral lessons are encouraged to repeated daily. 

5.  "It is because": có thể sửa lại cho formal hơn là it is due to the fact that hay it is for the reason that 

6."peoples": chắc bạn đánh nhầm thêm "s"

 

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