" influenced people" ---> influential people
"daily life routine" ---> daily routine
To conclude ---> "In conclusion"
In the sentence "families are ideal models for the child", I think we should use singular form of the word "family" instead of plural form because in this sentence because you want to say about the responsibility of family UNIVERSALLY.
I think we have a grammatical error in this sentence " On the other hand, schools, in which teach pupils to academic and elementary knowledge, instruct them in communication skills, team buildings and social skills."
It should be "On the other hand, in school, teachers usually teach pupils (do not use 'to' here) academic and elementary knowledge, instruct them in social skills such as communication and team building ".
teach someone to do something / teach someone something
in my judgement, the arguments which are used in your essay are kind of ambiguous, and they cannot persuad reader. I think that you should concentrate on one/two idea(s) and give some example. Furthermore, I think you should use more complex sentences in your essay, which is recommmended by most of IELTS preparation intructors.
All of the above is just my opinion, I hope that yout will find them useful. Thanks for reading.