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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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Please help me to let my task 1 ielts writing skill be better. Thank you.  (177 words)

A glance at the graph shows us the percentages of 65 and over aged people from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and USA. It is very clear that they have been being in the upward trend together.

In 1940. Only five percent of people in Japan was 65  and over year-old while these indexes in USA and Sweden were nine and seven percent in order. The percentages of sixty five and over aged people in both USA and Sweden had been raising significantly between 1940 and 1980. At the same period, this index in Japan had had a steady decrease.

It is estimated that this index in these countries will raise noticebly from 1980 to 2030. During the 2030s, the percentage of 65 and over aged people is predicted that will have a dramatic raise and climb to the peak at over twenty-five percent in 2040 in Japan. Beside that, this index in the rest of three countries mentioned former will go up remarkbly but these proportion both will not equal to this number in Japan.

 

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A glance at the graph shows us the percentages of 65 and over aged people from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and USA. It is very clear that they have been being in the upward trend together.

In 1940. Only five percent of people in Japan was 65  and over year-old while these indexes in USA and Sweden were nine and seven percent in order. The percentages of sixty five and over aged people in both USA and Sweden had been raising significantly between 1940 and 1980. At the same period, this index in Japan had had a steady decrease.

It is estimated that this index in these countries will raise noticebly from 1980 to 2030. During the 2030s, the percentage of 65 and over aged people is predicted that will have a dramatic raise and climb to the peak at over twenty-five percent in 2040 in Japan. Beside that, this index in the rest of three countries mentioned former will go up remarkbly but these proportion both will not equal to this number in Japan.

Có mấy lỗi chính tả nè bạn :D

noticebly -------------------> noticeably.

remarkbly ------------------> remarkably.

cụm "65  and over year-old" có thể thay bằng old people, folk people, senior citizen... để tránh lặp từ. 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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