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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

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Mình mới luyện viết task 2, nên rất mong được các bạn góp ý và sửa lỗi để tốt hơn. Mình cảm ơn các bạn nhiều.

Đề: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout the life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true that many people these day have many occupations at the same time to sustain their lives. While I agree that this trend is a new fashion, I do not think that having a single career is becoming an old fashion.

On the one hand, I agree that having greater than one profession and further education can help people sustain their lives and find work easily. Firstly, a person with many occupations can have the amount of salary more than another who has only a job. For example, apart from a nine-to-five job at company in daylight, many women in Hanoi also work a part-time job at home such as making handicrafts and knitting, even teaching word-processing skills online to afford to live in capital. Moreover, some international companies require an applicant having both a good academic result in specific knowledge and good English skill, it means that a person who want to apply for this position might be trained professionally in both specific knowledge and foreign language.

On the other hand, I do not think that having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Many people having only a job such as doctor, pilot and interpreter still have wealthy life because they are very professional in their job. For instance, a famous boy who is pilot of Vietnam airlines is admired by many young people because of his talent and his youth, even he has the single career. Besides, with his ability, this guy is also a well-paid pilot. Therefore, many young people still pursue the professional qualification in the single career and the single career will never become an old fashion.

In conclusion, while I agree that having greater than one profession and further education can help people continues throughout life, I think that the single career will never become an old fashion. 

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It is true that many people these day have many occupations at the same time to sustain their lives. While I agree that this trend is a new fashion, I do not think that having a single career is becoming an old fashion. -> old-fashioned.

.... còn nữa

it means that a person who want to apply for this position might be trained professionally in both specific knowledge and foreign language.

Đây là lỗi nghiêm trọng, t nghĩ bạn cần học thêm subject verb agreement không thì sẽ bị trừ khá nhiều.

Ngoài ra khi đọc bài 1 lượt t thấy bài viết còn cứng nhắc, dập khuôn.

Từ vựng và ngữ pháp chưa đa dạng.

Nhưng sự mạc lạc trong bài có và rất đáng phát huy.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
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