It is true that the technological devices like TV, video and PC ( i dont think these are devices) games are more and more popular to children and becoming an controversial issue. While I accept that these kinds of entertainment have some benefits to for children, I believe that there are also many negative effects to them.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that modern entertainment have a variety of good usages to children. First of all, they provide many images in different fields which children couldn't see in person. A typical example is that the channels about wild animals and the nature such as discovery channel. They also learn a lot from the creative shows to make toys, gifts... which are very interesting and suitable for their creation. Futhermore, playing games helps children improve the quick skills and imagination. Secondly, watching TV, or playing video, PC games are good ways to relax after a hard-working day at school. This action also keeps them safe from the danger circumstances, especially when their parents are not beside.
On the other hand, there are many disadvantages of TV and computer games as well. Admittedly, spending too much time on TV or video, PC games will take children out of the real society and also be harmful to their health. According to a recent research, the fattigue in children usually comes from the children who sit in front of televisions and computer too much so that (so much that, is that what you menan?) they don't go out to play sports and do excercise. This research also presented that these games will affect the ability of eyes, and reduce the focus skill of children. Neverthless, children can be addicted by games, especially the violent games. In China, a sixteen boy killed his grandfather because he had been thought that he was the character of a gunning game.
In conclusion, there are convincing argumens both for and against the children who spend time on TV, video and PC games, but I believe that we can get more advantages than disadvantages if we ensure that our children use these devices properly.
Comments: overall, your essay have answered the questions and presented a clear opinion on the issue. there is some inappropriate use of a less formal style at times (contractions for example). i think the range of vocabulary is satisfactory, although it is quite restricted. there is attempt to use a wide range of complex sentences, however i think the structure should be more various. grammatical errors do occur, but these are not frequent.