ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2,030 Bài viết

2,831 Góp ý

1,918 bình luận

12,913 thành viên

Bài IELTS Task 2 sáng 23/7-IDP Hà Nội - Some people say that when deciding taxes how be spent, governments should priorities on health care. Others think that...

Task 2 Writing thi ngày 23/7/2015 nhờ mọi người comments giúp.

------------------------------------
Some people say that when deciding taxes how be spent, governments should priorities on health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
------>
It is argued that government should pay money on health care when they spend tax-funds, while others believe that it is better to support this money for tax-payers. It seems to me that I think the first view is more valid.
The opinion to spend tax-funds of government for tax-payers is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, government may reduce taxes for companies which involve in special major. By doing this way, government tend to encourage these companies to develop their field which government need to call for investment. Secondly, investing money from authorities to build infrastructures for projects which investors plan to invest at local area. An excellent example would be my company, when we build a factory project in Hai Phong city, then Hai Phong authority will help us to supply power line and construct a road connecting our project with main road. 
On the other land, I believe that it is more beneficial for people when government contributes money from tax-funds on health care. An important benefit for people is that reducing hospital fee amount of treatment by government could be a huge support for poor people when they have serious disease. If they don’t have support, they may lose their life. Another advantage is that government spend money to build more hospitals or maintain modern facilities in existing hospital. Consequently, people can be cured in better methods. For instance, Bach Mai hospital has been maintained and built more rooms. Therefore, so far patients have been not shared a bed with each other’s at the time of 5 years ago. 
Some people continue to claim that spending more money on health care could be affected on lacking of tax-fund for others. However, I would like to emphasize that government knows how to balance of the tax-fund where should be invested in general orientation.
In conclusion, although there are valid reasons why government spend money for tax-payers, it is still reasonable to conclude that tax-fund should be contributed to health care.

(332 words) 
Written by Hari Nguyen

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi 27 Tháng 7, 2015 trong Discussion bởi Hari Nguyen (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

4 góp ý

0 phiếu
mình nghĩ bạn mở bài như thế này sẽ hay hơn đó

Nowaday, the development of the modern world has improved the quality of public services in general and health care in particular. Nevertheless, there is a debate about the taxes of governments should or should not priorities on health care service. From my perspective, governments should spend tax- payers' money on health care as their first priority.

ngoài ra mình nghĩ trong bài bạn nên hạn chế dùng "I", tốt nhất là ko nên
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 27 Tháng 7, 2015 bởi lucifer (7 điểm)
0 phiếu

The opinion to spend tax-funds of government for tax-payers is attractive for several reasons (What doest it mean?). Firstly, the government may reduce taxes for companies which involved (or specialized: chuyên về) in special major. By doing this way, the government tend to encourage these companies to develop their fields which government need to call for investment. Secondly,  investing money from authorities spending the national budget  to build infrastructures for these projects may help to increase the quality of health service in local areas. An excellent example would be my company Take my company as an example to illustrate (You should not use Mysince it is too personal), when we build a factory project are planning to build factories in Hai Phong city, then Hai Phong authoritythe government will help give a hand by us to supplying power line and constructing road systems.construct a road connecting our project with main road. 

 

Mình sửa một đoạn thôi nghen.

Strengths:

Basic structure => Easy follow what you mention.

Words: call for/

Good coherence

Weaknesses:

Having few complex structures

Having a few academic words

Ideas are not really convincing

Unsustainable grammar

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 30 Tháng 7, 2015 bởi Trần Viết Tiến (4 điểm)
0 phiếu

Cho mình viết thử 1 bài ở đây nhe .Thank u!

Mong các pro chỉ ra advantages và disadvantages cho em. Chân thành cám ơn ạ

It's is unquestionable that taxation scheme has long been the fundamental core of national development . There are several opinions comment that communal health systems deserve these money , others claim that it is not as necessary as prominent problems . In this essay, I shall elucidate both sides of this argument

Personal health is instrumental to collective success . From this perspective , potential projects and strategies that contribute to countries ' prosperity could not be fulfilled if hygienic conditions of every family are terrible , which results in many diseases and pandemics . Granted , numerous adverse consequences absolutely occur such as wasting the majority of tax budget to be poured into the long-term treatment , other economical factors ( workforce , price , food and the like ) being unpredictable , and deteriorating the social standards . Therefore , how good the  wellbeing be will conclude how well  sustainable society develop

On the other hand , focusing too much in healthy fields could leads to the ignorance of another quandary , war  . Ironically, while the enhancement of health aim to ameliorate people's living criterion , nobody have not perceived that 70% of the innovation in cure and surgery are serving to battlefields  ( according to Report of Israel Military Department ) . so " health " seems to a tools in order to keep abiding troops continuously stand on their position and the conflict will never end . Thus ,instead of spending by far much of levy in healthiness ,reinforcing education system to increase people's awareness about the adverse aspects of war is more beneficial

In conclusion , I advocate the side of utilizing the money from levy to accelerate healthcare system and subserve to the peace

( 293 words ) ban đầu hăng máu quá viết gần 365 từ cơ  :))

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 31 Tháng 7, 2015 bởi Son Lato (84 điểm)
sửa nội dung 31 Tháng 7, 2015 bởi Son Lato
0 phiếu

Mình có một vài góp ý nhé:

It seems to me that I think... =bỏ that I think đi, vì it seems to me đã là nêu quan điểm rồi

Firstly, government may reduce taxes for companies which involve in special major -> câu này chưa rõ nghĩa lắm. Vì bạn đang bảo vệ luận điểm, mình nghĩ nên dùng should, special major bạn nên dùng such as để người đọc còn biết các lĩnh vực đặc biệt đấy là gì.

government tend to encourage... their fields -> tend to không phù hợp đâu, sao có xu hướng khuyến khích nhỉ, bạn nên dùng would để chỉ kết quả (mình có tài liệu, mail cho mình để mình gửi cho bạn nhé

which government need to call for investment => mình thấy ý này ở đây cũng không logic lắm

Các bạn viết câu khiến người đọc hơi khó hiểu, bạn nên học cách diễn đạt từng câu tốt trước đã. Bạn có thể trao đổi thêm với mình qua mail nha. Chúc bạn học tốt nhé.

)

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 27 Tháng 9 bởi pham hue (12 điểm)
bạn ơi cho mình xin tài liệu học của bạn nhé. email của mình là: huyen8192@gmail.com.

Rất cảm ơn bạn.

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

...