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Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
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It is widely acknowledged that with the advent of the internet, distanced learning has enjoyed widespread popularity throughout the world in recent years. Some people argue that internet-based learning can be a perfect substitute for traditional classes. However I strongly believe that real school is still a key component of well-rounded education / educational environment and nothing can take the place of this form in future.

One of the reasons why teaching in class would not be obsolete is that this is the best way to stimulate intellectual and physical development of students. First of all, it is undisputable that when learners listen to and talk to teachers directly, they will be motivated and absorb the lessons with ease. If students come across obstacles to dealing with exercises or assignments, instructors can give them persuasive explanation immediately and thus study will be smoother and speedier. Another advantage of conventional education is that thanks to the interaction with classmates, students can be free to exchange their ideas, discuss together in order to come up with the finest solutions to problems they are assigned. It is no exaggeration to state that real classes are sites for students consolidate their know-how and sharpen essentially social skills such as communication or interpersonal skill. There is no doubt that these benefits are hardly seen in distance learning.

Admittedly, online education has been a noted advance of humans which allows the public to access prestigious courses in a different country or save their time as taking part in courses without commuting to school campus on the daily basis. Nevertheless, one should consider the fact that virtual classes depend heavily on the internet and computers which are not always available, particularly in remote areas. One salient example for this is underdeveloped nations in Africa, in many regions of these countries where the internet is not accessible and few citizens can afford a computer, class-based learning are the most feasible measure for them to be educated and exposed to the knowledge treasure. More importantly, because of the lack of interaction, teachers are unlikely to control all of learners in online courses, aware of existing problems in studying progress and guarantee the amount of knowledge participants acquire.

In conclusion, on account of aforementioned advantages, traditional class-based learning is indispensable to our society and virtual courses which have certain drawbacks cannot completely displace real schools.

Rating: 8.35
đã hỏi trong Band score 7.0-7.5 bởi (0 điểm)
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+1 phiếu

Your essay is good. It is clear that you have clocked in quite a substantial number of hours to practice. The structure is clear and your ideas are clearly communicated.

The only problem I have is the language - it is too flowery and the sentence structure is sometimes unnecessarily complicated. It feels 'forced' and a bit tiring at times. This essay is good for IELTS. If you want to pursue higher education overseas, do work on your writing style and make sure you have a bit of flow in your tone. Plus the conclusion is too short and really doesn't do the entire essay justice. Hope my feedback helps. Below is your essay (I was a bit ruthless when editing it).

It is widely acknowledged that with the rise of the internet, distance learning has enjoyed widespread popularity throughout the world in recent years. Some people argue that internet-based learning can be a perfect substitute for traditional classes. However I strongly believe that real school (so online learning is 'fake'? Find a better word for this) is still a key component for a well-rounded education / educational environment and nothing (avoid using absolute form) can take the place of this form in future.

One of the reasons why teaching in class would not be obsolete because it is the best way to stimulate intellectual and physical development of students. First of all, it is undisputable that when students listen to and talk to their teachers directly, they will be more motivated and learn the materials with ease. For instance, when a student has difficulty solving an exercise or writing an assignment, his instructor could provide him with can give them persuasive an explanation immediately, allowing him to move forward swiftly and thus study will be smoother and speedierBy being in the classroom and interacting with classmates, students could exchange and discuss their ideas  discuss together in order to come up with the best solutions to problems that they are assigned. It is no exaggeration to state that real classes are sites for Students could consolidate their know-how (inappropriate use of word here) and sharpen essentially social skills such as communication or their interpersonal skill. There is no doubt that these benefits are limited in distance learning.

Admittedly, online education has been a noted advance of humans which allows the public to access prestigious courses in a different country from prestigious universities and saves their commuting time as taking part in courses without commuting to school campus on the daily basis. Nevertheless, one should consider the fact that virtual classes depend heavily on the internet and computers, both of which are not always available, particularly in remote areas. One salient example for this is In underdeveloped African nations in Africa, in many regions of these countries where the internet is not accessible and where very few citizens can afford a computer and have access to the Internet, class-based learning are the most feasible method for them to be educated and exposed to the knowledge treasure. Moreover, because of the lack of interaction in online courses, teachers are unlikely to keep track of learners' progress, aware of existing problems in studying progress and guarantee the amount of knowledge participants acquire

In conclusion, on account of the aforementioned advantages, traditional class-based learning is indispensable to our society and virtual courses which have certain drawbacks cannot completely displace real schools.

Rating: 3.00
đã góp ý bởi (90 điểm)
Thank you much for your contributation, I have learned much from that. You are right, I usually try to create complex sentences because my english teacher said IELTS examiners in Vietnam, particularly in BC, like this style. Am I right?
Hi ya,

I have never taken the IELTS test at BC. Maybe they do.

An English person who taught in Vietnam once told me that she disliked the way her students wrote because they often 'waffled' a lot. If you read English academic papers, you'll realise that the language they use is very straightforward. Like I said, this essay probably works with IELTS test but there is still room for improvement. Hope this helps.

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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