Đề thi IELTS - 04/07/2015 - Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community... - Chữa Writing miễn phí
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TOPIC task 2 của tuần này update ngày 04/07/2015 :

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Rating: 8.40
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4 góp ý

+1 phiếu

We are living in the 21st century- the age of cooperation and integration. Interactions among people is incontrovertibly important, therefore, requiring the young to freely support others should be encouraged. Meanwhile, some people are still doubt about its benefits. I will approach this issue with several justifications as below.

 

Unpaid jobs, for example: voluntary teachers, enviromental activists,... contribute considerably to the overall development of the community. Each person is a nuclear cell of which the society is composed, and individual endeavors are accumulated to better it. Every year, there are groups of boy scouts who make for remote areas to present children with books, clothes and toys. They do that without monetary rewards, but in the hope for spurring children’s appetite for knowledge. Young philanthropists demonstrate their panache by raising funds and distributing them to those in need.

 

Moreover, by taking part in activities for social benefits, people gain more knowledge and perfect their personalities. As a saying goes: “travelling forms a young man”, the father we go, the more acquisition we have. We get access to the real life, rather than spend time reading books which emerge as sources of theory. Sense of communial responsibility is cultivated with respect to the populace.

 

Forcing youngsters to do unpaid jobs, nevertheless, is not feasible. Their own right of free choice, whether to participate in these work or not, should be seriously respected. If this right is illegally invased, a strong wave of indignation will explore. More importantly, obligated participants are not as enthusiastic as the voluntary ones, resulting in the decreasing working efficiency.

 

In short, I believe that the young should be let spontaneously receive the commissions to build up the community, not be obligated. 

Rating: 6.73
đã góp ý bởi (33 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
Mình có 1 vài. Nhận xét chung như sau : bạn khá là thiếu những linking words , bạn nên sử dụng nhiều từ liên kết để làm cho bài văn trở nên dễ hiểu và sung tích hơn. Bạn nên sử dụng những cụm từ đứng đầu mỗi đoạn để giúp bài văn rõ ràng hơn như on the one hand/on the bright side, on the other hand / on the dark side , ngoài ra 1 trong những lý do khiến bạn mất điểm đó chính là bạn thiếu cân bằng số câu ở mỗi đoạn, đây là bài discussion nên quan điểm mỗi bên phải bằng nhau. Và 1 điều nữa, ở phân đoạn kết bài còn khá sơ Sài và chưa đúng trọng tâm đề bài, nếu bạn khuyến khích the young tham gia  thì phải toát lên quan điểm của bạn. Đó là những nhận xét  của mình, có thể đúng hoặc không, nhưng mong bạn khắc phục những bài sau và làm tốt hơn nữa.

Bạn nên nêu rõ quan điểm bản thân ngay từ đoạn mở bài. Từ vựng của bạn tốt, tuy nhiên đôi chỗ đọc cảm giác hơi exaggerating. Bạn nên thêm các từ để giảm bớt tính chắc chắn, tăng tính thuyết phục của bài

We are living in the 21st century- the age of cooperation and integration. Interactions among people is incontrovertibly important, therefore, requiring the young to freely support others should be encouraged. Meanwhile, some people are still doubt about its benefits. I will approach this issue with several justifications as below.

Unpaid jobs, for example: voluntary teachers, enviromental activists,... contribute considerably to the overall development of the community. Each person is a nuclear cell of which the society is composed, and individual endeavors are accumulated to better it. Every year, there are groups of boy scouts who make for remote areas to present children with books, clothes and toys. They do that without monetary rewards, but in the hope for spurring children’s appetite for knowledge. Young philanthropists demonstrate their panache by raising funds and distributing them to those in need.

 

Moreover, by taking part in activities for social benefits, people gain more knowledge and perfect their personalities. As a saying goes: “travelling forms a young man”, the father we go, the more acquisition we have. We get access to the real life, rather than spend time reading books which emerge as sources of theory. Sense of communial responsibility is cultivated with respect to the populace.

 

Forcing youngsters to do unpaid jobs, nevertheless, is not feasible. Their own right of free choice, whether to participate in these work or not, should be seriously respected. If this right is illegally invased, a strong wave of indignation will explore. More importantly, obligated participants are not as enthusiastic as the voluntary ones, resulting in the decreasing working efficiency.

 

In short, I believe that the young should be let spontaneously receive the commissions to build up the community, not be obligated. 

+1 phiếu
It is argued by some that it should be made compulsory for young people to undertake community services. While there are some downsides with this requirement, I strongly believe that the advantages are more important.

On the one hand, this practice, if carried out, could bring about negative consequences to both the young and the community. Firstly, young people could be considerably distressed if being enforced to take up volunteer work. Due to the proliferation of schoolwork, young people have endured significant pressure already, and if this is coupled with extracurricular activities, mental breakdown will be inevitably resulted in. Secondly, the reluctance of the youth to conduct this practice could lead to their poor performance in their service placements. Finally, their feeling of discomfort and resentment is likely to gradually deteriorate the connectedness in the community, resulting in hatred among local people.

On the other hand, I would argue that this practice would have a positive impact on young people and the community. That being said, involvement in community services can provide these youngsters with a broader view of life and awareness of their society. They, for instance, can develop their sympathy for disadvantaged people and a willingness to aid impoverished families. In addition, as these voluntary activities potentially lesson the severity of local people’s life and solve future problems, the community will become more united and filled with caring hearts. This will likely to foster moral conducts and bring about the flowering of a new sympathetic culture.

In conclusion, although the proposed requirement has some inherent drawbacks, I am convinced that the young and the community will significantly benefit from it.
Rating: 4.55
đã góp ý bởi (16 điểm)
+1 phiếu
some individuals contend that young adults should be volunteered in order to helping people , while others are still doubt about its benefits. In the following essay, i intend to address the problems as well as suggest some viable solutions to it.
on the one hand, there are various advantages volunteers brought to us. Firstly, it is the great benefits that community received. Many homeless and poor people are being fed by the volunteers groups. According to a social experiment in USA , more than 60% illiterate children are being taught by voluntary teachers. There is no doubt that volunteers are making the world becomes a better place. Secondly , young people volunteer will help them understand more about the world of poor people and learn to respect what they have. This can only learned by experience which will help them a lot in their lives.
However, there are some strong drawbacks for bot individuals and community. First of all, young people will have to experienced the impact on health. Spending too much time for volunteering could be the cause of stress feeling or negative emotions and it could lead to adverse effect on health. Secondly, one of the biggest problems is the volunteer will be lack of money to pay. you may end up spending money while you volunteer.
In conclusion, both dark and bright side of the picture are noticed , i strongly believe various measure could be taken to tackle the negative effects of volunteer, so the advantages will be bigger.
( 250 words) 
p/s: Mình sắp thi ielts ( 25/7) , ai thi r thì cho mình xin ít kinh nghiệm làm bài reading ielts .
Rating: 8.03
đã góp ý bởi (21 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
some individuals contend that young adults should be volunteered in order to helping people, while others are still doubt about its benefits. In the following essay, i intend to address the problems as well as suggest some viable solutions to it.
=> lạc đề. đề bài yêu cầu là trình bày ưu và nhược điểm của việc bắt buộc người trẻ làm các cv.... Câu thesis của bạn là là "address the problem, suggest viable solutions" - nghĩa là giải quyết vấn đề, sai với yêu cầu đề bài, bị trừ rất nặng điểm task achievement và coherence + cohesion
on the one hand, there are various advantages volunteers brought to us. Firstly, it is the great benefits that community received. Many homeless and poor people are being fed by the volunteers groups. According to a social experiment in USA , more than 60% illiterate children are being taught by voluntary teachers. There is no doubt that volunteers are making the world becomes a better place. Secondly , young people volunteer will help them understand more about the world of poor people and learn to respect what they have. This can only learned by experience which will help them a lot in their lives.
However, there are some strong drawbacks for bot individuals and community. First of all, young people will have to experienced the impact on health. Spending too much time for volunteering could be the cause of stress feeling or negative emotions and it could lead to adverse effect on health. Secondly, one of the biggest problems is the volunteer will be lack of money to pay. you may end up spending money while you volunteer.
In conclusion, both dark and bright side of the picture are noticed , i strongly believe various measure could be taken to tackle the negative effects of volunteer, so the advantages will be bigger.
0 phiếu

It is popular that today, many people have volunteered once in their lives to help people within the local communities. However, some think these unpaid works should be required for young people. Personally, I agree with this point of view but some aspects of it need to be considered.

Unpaid works certainly bring many benefits to young people. Firstly, by involving in helping communities, teenagers have opportunities to learn new skills as well as contribute to their society. It can also help them understand their values and give them a sense of belonging within communities. Secondly, volunteering raise awareness of the youths about current problems in local residential areas. For instance, teenagers can learn to sympathize disadvantaged people and develop early responsibilities on improving society. These type of work can also potentially educate youngsters on such matters and nurture their mindsets to become good citizens. Thus, it is obvious that unpaid works have many positive aspects for adolescents’ self-development.

However, some aspects of imposing volunteer work on young people need to be carefully reviewed.  Firstly, forcing people to do work without their consents is against civil rights as stated in the Constitution. Additionally, it is quite obvious that people tend to perform terribly on the job if they are not willing to commit which might ruins the cultures and objectives of charitable organizations. Furthermore, unpaid works without any agreements can be accused as a form of exploitation. As the result, careful considerations are necessary before making unpaid work compulsory for young citizens.

Overall, while I favor the idea of young people required to participate in volunteer work, certain oppositions to it can cause serious conflicts within society and should not be taken lightly.

Rating: 5.00
đã góp ý bởi (20 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi

It is popular that today, many people have volunteered once in their lives to help people within the local communities. However, some think these unpaid works should be required for young people. Personally, I agree with this point of view but some aspects of it need to be considered.

=> thesis chưa bám sát yêu cầu đề bài. Câu hỏi là liệu rằng bất lợi của việc bắt người trẻ làm tình nguyện có lớn hơn lợi ích không? Thì câu trả lời của bạn nên là kiểu disadvantages outweigh advantages hoặc ngược lại

Unpaid works certainly bring many benefits to young people. Firstly, by involving in helping communities, teenagers have opportunities to learn new skills as well as contribute to their society. It can also help them understand their values and give them a sense of belonging within communities. Secondly, volunteering raise awareness of the youths about current problems in local residential areas. For instance, teenagers can learn to sympathize disadvantaged people and develop early responsibilities on improving society. These type of work can also potentially educate youngsters on such matters and nurture their mindsets to become good citizens. Thus, it is obvious that unpaid works have many positive aspects for adolescents’ self-development.

However, some aspects of imposing volunteer work on young people need to be carefully reviewed.  Firstly, forcing people to do work without their consents is against civil rights as stated in the Constitution. Additionally, it is quite obvious that people tend to perform terribly on the job if they are not willing to commit which might ruins the cultures and objectives of charitable organizations. Furthermore, unpaid works without any agreements can be accused as a form of exploitation. As the result, careful considerations are necessary before making unpaid work compulsory for young citizens.

Overall, while I favor the idea of young people required to participate in volunteer work, certain oppositions to it can cause serious conflicts within society and should not be taken lightly.


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