ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới

Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chung để các ban cùng nhau chia sẻ bài viết, kinh nghiệm viết bà, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

2.7k Bài viết

3.7k Góp ý

2.2k bình luận

71.1k thành viên

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

 

Answer:

The bar chart provided shows the difficulties people have when they move to another country and how these problems vary according to age groups.

The greatest problem for the 18-to-34-year-old group is organizing finances, which experienced by 35 percent of people in this age group. This is also a significant for other groups with 29 to 34 percent of people in each group finding it hard.

Thirty-two percent of people in the youngest group have difficulties in arranging medical care. In comparison, the oldest group and the middle age group find this more problematic. The percentage of people who have problems with medical service is higher, at 36 and 37 percent respectively.

In contrast to healthcare, only 2 percent of people in over-55-year-old group are affected by finding schools for their children. However, it is very hard for young and middle age people to solve the education problem. There are 6 and 19 percent of finding it difficult in each group.

In generation, all age groups experience the same problems to some extent, but the percentage of middle age people who have problems related to money is much higher than others.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Comparison bởi (5 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

7 góp ý

+1 phiếu
Em học lớp 10 nên có gì góp ý sai mấy anh chị góp ý lại giùm lun nha.

*I think you should have a introduction like this " The bar chart demonstrates problems in detail as a percentage that people suffer from living abroad"

*I think you should use the sentence " The main portion of problem of people aged 18-34, which is the youngest group,is raising finance ( 34%) " instead of  " the greatest problem for the 18-24 group..... in this age group"

*Using wrong word " a significant " ( must be " a significance" )

*Clarifying which one is "the youngest group " , "the middle age group" and " the oldest group" ( such as the improvement above)

*I think you should use the word " Health care" or "Medical services" instead of "Medical care"

*In a third paragraph, I think you should reduce a whole paragraph to single sentence" Arranging medical service of the middle-aged group, of which facing thirty-seven percent ,is slightly more common than the others two groups ( about 32% of the youngest and 36% of the oldest)

*I think you should make comparisons in the fourth paragraph and combine it like " In contrast to Healthcare problem, finding schools for children has the least percentage in all groups ( below 20% ). According to the chart, while 19% of the middle-aged group concern about finding schools, the number of youngest & oldest group is relatively low ( about 4%)." ...... Or like it "Turning to Finding schools for children,which has the significant percentage less than others problems, accounting for 19% of middle-aged group and 4% of the others group"

* Finally, I the introduction and conclusion, I think you should have a trend to summarise the whole idea....

Good luck
Rating: 0.60
đã góp ý bởi (54 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
Mình cũng mới học lớp 10 nè bạn
vậy hả. Mình tên Huân... tên tiếng Anh là Steve... đây là facebook của mình " Do Huan" ( avatar là thành phố LA)
+1 phiếu

Thử nhé:

The bar chart provided shows shows the percentage of/ gives data on the difficulties people have when they move to immigrants encounter when moving to live in another country by age/ according to the range of ages and how these problems vary according to age groups.

Overall, the greatest problem for the 18-to-34-year-old 18-34 age group is organizing finances, which is experienced by 35 percent of people in this age group. This is also a significant for other groups with 29 to 34 percent of people in each group finding it hard. (cái greatest có lẽ không đúng như em nói vì cột tím rõ là mạnh nhất) (ngoài ra, nếu đã 1 câu về cái the highest thì nên có 1 câu về the lowest) (tuy nhiên, em cũng có thể dùng câu overall thứ 2 để nói xem 2 nhóm còn lại lần lượt đánh giá thế nào)

Thirty-two 32 percent of people in the youngest group have difficulties in arranging medical care. In comparison, the oldest group and the middle age group both find this more problematic. The percentage of people who have problems with medical services is higher, at (nối thẳng vào đây luôn) with 36 and 37 percent respectively. (đã theo văn phong, bố cục của bài mẫu thì hơi khó sửa)

In contrast to healthcare, only 2 percent of people in the over-55-year-old group have troubles/ problems with finding schools for their offspring are affected by finding schools for their children. However, it is very hard for young and middle age people to solve the education problem. There are 6 and 19 percent of finding it difficult in each group. This problem, on the other hand, is second highest/ most problematic for the people aged between 18 and 54 with...

In generation, all age groups experience the same problems to some extent, but the percentage of middle age people who have problems related to money is much higher than others. (câu này để làm gì vậy) (đã có overall thì khỏi in conclusion)

Cụm sort out anh tra thử thì như kiểu chia chác sau hôn nhân, giải quyết giấy tờ linh tinh nên anh chưa có ý kiến gì về hai từ organize hay arrange như em dùng.

Rating: 6.40
đã góp ý bởi (344 điểm)
0 phiếu
Đây là bài e viết có đề bài trên mong anh chị góp ý những lỗi sai của em ạ, Em cảm ơn

The bar chart provides information about the propotion of  isssues for people immigrating to other nations .

It is also worth noting that the aged over 55 years-old has less troubles than other aged about the sorting and finding financial, healthcare and schools for children. Another visible trend that, The sorting out healthcare takes highest percentage in among concern of people aged from 35 years-old.

To specify, both the aged from 35 to 54 and over 55 years-old have problem about taking care their heath ,just over 35%. This is higher than financal issue, the figures are 35% and just under 30%  respetively.While the younger interetes in where school their children will study, nearly 20%, only  2% of the older note it.

In contract, the finacial issue of people aged between 18 and 34 take more pecertage  than  the health issue about 2% (32% and 34%, respectively). Around 5% has concern with education issue.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (43 điểm)
0 phiếu

The bar chart provided shows demonstrates the difficulties people have face when they move to another country and how these problems difficulties vary affect through 3 age groups ( 18-34, 35-54 and over 55 year old group ).

The greatest problem for the 35-54 year-old group is organizing to organize finances, which experienced by 35 percent approximately one-third of people in this age group. This is also a significant for other groups with 29 to 34 percent of people in each group finding it hard. And it is also significant obstacle for the the 18-34 year olds and the over 55 year olds, with just under 35 and slightly less than 30 people affected.

Thirty-two 32% percent of people in the youngest group have difficulties in arranging medical care.In comparison, the oldest group and the middle age group find this slightly tougher problematic in comparison to the former, at 36% and 37% respectively. The percentage​ proportion of people who have problems with medical service is higher, at 36 and 37 percent respectively.

In contrast to healthcare, only 2% of people in over-55 year old group are affected by finding schools for their children. However, it is very hard for young and middle age people to solve the education problem . There are 6 and 19 percent of finding it difficult in each group. There are almost three times as many young people as middle age ones, around 7% compared to just below 20%.

In generation general, all age groups experience the same problems to some extent, but the percentage of middle age people who have problems related to money is much higher than others.

Rating: 2.50
đã góp ý bởi (16 điểm)
0 phiếu

the percentage of middle age people who have problems related to money is much higher than others thay bằng the percentage of middle-age people who have to face with the most difficulties is higher than the other groups.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
0 phiếu

how these problems vary according to age groups thay bằng the variety of problems presented basing on their age.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
0 phiếu

The bar chart provided shows the difficulties people face when they move to another countries and how these problems vary according to age groups.

The greatest problem for the 18-to-34-year-old group is organizing finances, which experiences by 35 percent of people. This is also a significant one for other groups with 29 to 34 percent of people in each group finding it hard.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

1 góp ý
2 Góp ý
1 góp ý
đã hỏi 26 Tháng 4, 2016 trong Opinion bởi lfcfan9x (12 điểm)
...