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TASK QUESTION: In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence.

Discuss both these views and give your own oppinion.

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In modern world, women are no longer supposed to stay at home and take after their children like they used to do in the past. It is normal for both parents to have their own job nowadays. As a result, there is a warm controversy among people about whether both parents go out for work or they should give top priority to bring up their kids.


In my opinion, I think children from family where both parents work may have some certain advantages. First, children are taught about self-awareness and responsibility in their young age, which is really helpful in the future when they start their life without their mom and dad. For example, a child whose parents give too much concern for might be homesick or even shock when they first going far from home like studying in another cities or overseas; meanwhile, an independent kid will have no difficulty in managing their life when they have to live on their own. Second, children can also benefit from extra income if both parents has an occupation.


However, “Every coin has its two sides”. Parents’ regular absence from home can also cause consequences. Sometimes children have problems with their homework and they need their parents’ help, also children may be with bad friends and commit a crime. Moreover, there are various jobs which require going out a lot for appointments and events that parents cannot pay fully attention to their kids in many aspects such as education, health care or entertainment. 


To sum up, I believe that both parents should go out to work. They must know how to keep a balance between work and family so that they will not only be a great worker with valuable contribution to the society but also be a good father and mother for their kids. (303 WORDS)

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'Second, children can also benefit from extra income if both parents has an occupation.' - minh nghi la secondly moi dung

'an independent kid will have no difficulty in managing their life when they have to live on their own' - a kid ban dau nhung ma dang sau lai dung 'their'

'without their mom and dad' - mom and dad la kieu goi than mat, minh nghi trong academic nen viet formal

'Parents’ regular absence' - grammar error

lso children may be with bad friends and commit a crime' - grammar error

 

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Mình thấy paragraph 1 bạn viết 2 ý chưa cân xứng lắm, ý 2 chưa có supporting ideas.

"In my opinion, I think children from family where both parents work may have some certain advantages. First, children are taught about self-awareness and responsibility in their young age, which is really helpful in the future when they start their life without their mom and dad. For example, a child whose parents give too much concern for might be homesick or even shock when they first going far from home like studying in another cities or overseas; meanwhile, an independent kid will have no difficulty in managing their life when they have to live on their own. Second, children can also benefit from extra income if both parents has an occupation."

Nếu bạn đồng ý vs việc both parents should go out to work thì nên đảo 2 đoạn lại, bài viết có tính mạch lạc hơn :))

Rating: 0.30
đã góp ý bởi (12 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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