Mọi người làm ơn chữa giùm mình bài này với ạ ( mình mới tập viết thôi ạ) - Chữa Writing miễn phí
ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới
Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 từ IELTS Planet - Học IELTS Online.
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé.

2.2k Bài viết

3.1k Góp ý

2k bình luận

13.7k thành viên

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is argued that nowadays a large number of people who using mobile phones and computer are losing face to face communication skills. While I accept that opinion, I believe that the former could be beneficial to some extent.

On the one hand, some people believe that nothing can replace face to face communication because in reality it makes you more dynamic and more confident and also help you to practice your behavior and your ability to express. For example, whether you going to marry a girl or not, you have to meet her first. In other words, face to face communication took a very special place in our life. It presents a sense of community comes with the ability to interact and socialize. This sets the foundation for trust, and ultimately creates a better working relationship.

On the other hand, nowadays technology is very major on works and many others. Technology helps us to communicate no matter where we are, it has a major part not only in our work but also in our life. For example, you can talk to your family even you are far from them, you can finish your homework and send it to your teacher even you do not met them, you can do all those things with few clicks. In short, technology helps our life become more confident.

In conclusion, social communication is very crucial in reality life, it cannot be replaced by technology. However, technology communication also has a large number of benefits.

251 words

 

Rating: 7.35
đã hỏi trong Opinion bởi (21 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu

It is argued that nowadays a large number of people who using mobile phones and computer are uses mobile phones and computers is losing face to face communication skills. While I accept that opinion, I believe that the former could be beneficial to some extent. -> should be clear and direct;

e.g. It is undeniable the extensive advantages that the mobile phone and computer bring to the life, I concretely believe that the traditional oral communication still plays a fundamental role in modern society.

 

On the one hand, some people believe that nothing can replace face to face communication because in reality it makes you more dynamic and more confident and also help you to practice your behavior and your ability to express -> good idea, but I think the way you express has to be improved

e.g. Advocates of the traditional interaction claim that there is no substitute/alternative for face to face communication. The reason is via face to face interaction, you could articulately demonstrate your confidence, your personality, and your behavior to people (1)

It presents a sense of community comes with the ability to interact and socialize. This sets the foundation for trust, and ultimately creates a better working relationship. -> quite difficult to understand, should rewrite and take these ideas back to (1), and then example afterwards.

 

For example, whether you going to marry a girl or not, you have to meet her first. In other words, face to face communication took a very special place in our life -> interesting example, but you need to go a little bit detailed;

e.g. For instance, in several special circumstance such as making a proposal, the face to face interaction is the best selection for demonstrating your love and convincing your beloved

 

On the other hand, nowadays technology is very major on works and many others. Technology helps us to communicate no matter where we are, it has a major part not only in our work but also in our life.  -> your idea need to be clearly and accurately expressed in terms of meaning and grammar.

e.g. As the rapid development of advanced technology in mobile phone and computer, people no longer concern about the restrictions of communication because of the long distance issue.

 

For example, you can talk communicate to your family regardless of time or distance via mobile phone or Skype. You likewise can finish your homework and send it to your teacher without directly having a meeting with your lecture by several clicks on the Internet. As a consequence, sophisticated technology increasingly supports to the communication in our life and make it more comfortable.

 

In conclusion, social face to face communication is very significantly crucial in reality life, and despite of a tremendous quantity of advantages resulted from technology, it cannot be replaced by technology completely replaced by the technological forms of communication. However, technology communication also has a large number of benefits.

COMMENTS

You really have some interesting ideas, in general. And, the linking between your ideas is existed, although sometimes it does not clear enough.

Try to use more forms of sentences and grammars AND MUST BE ACCURATELY.

Try to develop your vocabulary

Some collocations :          TO GET MARRIED TO SB : cưới ai đó

                                         MAKING A PROPOSAL: cầu hôn ai đó

 

Task achievement: 6.5

Coherence and cohesion-6.0

Lexical resource- 6.0

Grammatical range and accuracy- 5.5-6.0

GOOK LUCK.

Rating: 8.90
đã góp ý bởi (15 điểm)
I'm confused about the writer. In the introduction,second paragraph and conclusion, he(she) advocated for face to face communication. However in the third paragraph, he(she) began with the word ( On the other hand),presented and supported communicating by technology....?

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

...