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It is argued that salary is the most essential factor when you choosing your job. Although i agree with that salary is the major effect when you get a job, i disagree that it is the most important factor.

On the other hands, for some people looking for a job, the only thing they care about is the salary. Because with them,money is extremely important in order for people to meet their daily basic needs.For example, money is used to buy food, pay bills, housing, health care. It do not stop in there, they also have to carry their children, their family. If the job does not provide them sufficient money, they cannot have a comfortable life. So for some people money is the most factor to chose jobs.

On the other hands, i believe that there are many other significant factor to consideration a job. First, the enjoyable is very important. Some people do their enjoyable work just because they like it, they do not care about any things else. For example , volunteers help people just because it makes them felt happy , they do not even care about money they do it for free.

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.
Rating: 5.70
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4 góp ý

+4 phiếu

It is argued that salary is the most essential factor when you choosing( sau s kko thể là ving nhé)your job. Although i agree with( chỗ này hoàn toàn ko dùng with nhésad) that salary is the major effect when you get a job, i disagree that it is the most important factor.  câu này bạn hơi lủng cũng về anh ngử có thể chuyển thành: i agree that salary is one of the most important effects but it not the most one only.

On the other hands(bắt đầu phần body triển khai quan điển ko có one hand mà lại có other hands là sao?) bỏ đi , for some people are  looking for a job, the only thing they care about is the salary. Because with them ko có cái này đâu nhé, because money is extremely important in order for people to meet their daily basic needs.For example, money is used to buy food, pay bills, housing, health care. It do not stop in there, they also have to carry their children, their family. If the job does not provide them sufficient money, they cannot have a comfortable life. So so dùng để nối 2 mệnh đề ko phải để chuyển câu nhé! for some people money is the most factor to chose jobs.

On the other hands=> on the another hand, i believe that there are many other significant factors to consideration a job. First, the enjoyable is very important. Some people do their enjoyable works just because they like it, they do not care about any things else. For example , volunteers help people just because it makes them felt feel happy , they do not even care about money they do it for free.

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.

bài này chưa có ý  sai nhiều  quá cậu ak. cố lên nhé

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (17 điểm)
bài này của mình được mấy điểm vậy bạn , mình mới tập viết nên cũng chả có kinh nghiệm gì đâu , đây mới chỉ là bài viết task 2 đầu tiên của mình thôi nên mong bạn thông cảm :( mấy tuần nữa mình phải đi thi r mà h mình không biết làm sao để trình viết đi lên lại còn bài đọc nữa. khó quá bạn chỉ hướng cho mình được không
Bài này chưa tới 5.0 vì có rất nhiều lỗi về bố cục cũng như ngữ pháp cơ bản.

Mình đã viết bài này cho học sinh, 3 Đoạn (Agree/ Disagree) theo 3 hướng khác nhau. Em gửi vào mail quangtrunge8k42@gmail.com mình gửi tặng, em xem qua cách trình bày.
0 phiếu

It is argued that salary is the most essential factor when you choosing your job. Although i agree with that salary is the major effect when you get a job, i disagree (nên thay bằng từ khác để đỡ trùng lặp từ: "I don't suppose...") that it is the most important factor.

On the other hands, for some people looking for a job, the only thing they care about is the salary. Because with them, money is extremely important in order (
for people to meet (bỏ)) to satisfing their daily basic needs. For example, money is used to buy food (foods), pay bills, housing, health care. It do not (doesn’t)stop in there, they also have to carry their children, their family. If the job does not provide them sufficient money, they cannot (can not) have a comfortable life. So for some people money is the most factor to chose (choose) jobs.


On the other hands, i (I)believe that there are many other significant factor (factors) to consideration (consider) a job. First (Firstly) the enjoyable (enjoyment) is very important. Some people do their enjoyable work (works) just because they like it, they do not care about any things else. For example , volunteers help people just because it makes them felt (feel) happy , they do not even care about money, they do it for free.

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.

Rating: 3.60
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)

to satisfing bạn viết sai này : to satisfying

food không đếm được bạn ơi , nên bạn ý đúng 

doesn’t: :v không được viết tắt trong bài 

 

Oh yeah, mình đồng ý! Chú ý food còn là danh từ đếm được khi xác định được đặc tính của thức ăn đó: ex: Frozen foods.
0 phiếu
It is argued that salary is the most essential factor when you choosing (đỏi thành choose)  your job. Although i agree with(bỏ with) that salary is the major effect when you get a job, i disagree that it is the most important factor. ( is an important factor but it is not the most one)

On the other hands, (bỏ) for some people are looking for a job, the only thing they care about is the salary. Because with them,money is extremely important in order (không cần thiết)for people to meet their daily basic needs.For example, money is used to buy food, pay bills, housing, health care. It do not stop in there, (nên dùng moreover)they also have to carry their children, their family. If the job does not provide them sufficient money, they cannot (can not) have a comfortable life. So( therefore) for some people money is the most factor to chose jobs.

On the other hands,(on the other hand) i believe that there are many other significant factor(factors) to consideration (consider) a job. First, the enjoyable is very important. Some people do their enjoyable work(works chú ý Their) just because they like it, they do not care about any things else. For example( có thể thay bằng "for instance" vì đoạn trước đã dùng cụm này) , volunteers help people just because it makes them felt (feel) happy , they do not even care about money they do it for free. (bỏ)

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.
 

Bài viết nên có thêm một vài ý giải thích rõ ràng hơn tại sao lương không phải là yếu tố quan trọng nhất khi tìm kiếm một công việc. các ý ở đoạn 3 chưa rõ lắm và bị trùng lặp vì cả hai đều nói tới việc người ta làm công việc đó vì người ta thích. 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
0 phiếu

It is argued that salary is the most essential factor when you (bỏ)  choosing your job. Although i agree with the idea salary is the major effect when you get a job, i disagree that it is the most important factor (factors.)

On the other hands( Firstly), for some people looking for a job, the only thing they care about is the salary. Because with them,money is extremely important in order for people to( for people in order to) meet their daily basic needs.For example, money is used to buy food, pay bills, housing, health care. It do not stop in there, they also have to carry(take care of) their children, their family. If the job does not provide them sufficient money, they cannot have a comfortable life. So for some people money is the most factor to chose jobs.

On the other hands(lặp, có thể thay bằng Secondly), i believe that there are many other significant factor(factors) to consideration (considerate) a job. First, the enjoyable is very important. Some people do their enjoyable work just because they like it, they do not care about any things else. For example , volunteers help people just because it makes them felt (feel) happy , they do not even care about money and they do it for free.

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (55 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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