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Essay topic: 

The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is to provide free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My work:

Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many countries over the world. Many people suggest that the Government should supply free public transport all the time to solve this problem. Personally, I do not find this statement completely justifiable because of following reasons.

The first, congestion begins when more vehicles try to use a road than the road can move. This can occur when vehicles cannot exit quickly enough to make way for others. In this case, the solution for tackling congestion most commonly applied relies on the creation of more public transportation – to free up valuable road space by enticing drivers out of their cars. If there was comfortable and free public transportation such as trains and busses, people would choose to use it rather than drive. In fact, this measure is impossible to implement because of financial burdens for State in spending a lot of money on building and maintaining transport systems. Therefore, instead of free cost for commuters, the Government should charge prices that are affordable for everyone.

The second, the another effective way tackled the congestion is to charge a toll during the peak minutes or hours or to charge a toll all day and make the toll higher during peak periods. This is called congestion pricing. Hotels, airlines and phone companies all routinely use congestion pricing to prevent their systems from becoming overloaded. Applying congestion pricing for roads is doubly effective because it can keep flowing from declining to below the maximum capacity of the road.

In conclusion, the traffic jams can be solved by applying a congestion charge for all drivers in the immediate downtown core, combined with an increase in fares for public transit users.

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-đây là nhận xét từ phía cá nhân mình nhé

Mình nghĩ ưu điểm của bạn là bài viết có ý tưởng và dùng khá nhiều từ thuộc kiểu academic writing

-còn những thứ mà mình không đồng tình lắm là

1 mắc một số lỗi ngữ pháp như là "solution for-solution to"

2 một số câu hơi dài và nên dc narrowed down " in this case,..."

3  hai câu chủ đề ở phần body của bạn chưa tóm dc nội dung của từng đoạn

4 không nên dùng firm statement vì ko có số liệu cụ thể "if there were comfortable...hay it is imposible" thay vào đó nên dùng kèm theo một số từ như might, may, tend,...
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Cảm ơn bạn đã chỉ ra thiếu xót trong bài viết, nên mình sửa lại cho thân bài có câu topic sentence và sửa lại một số lỗi ngữ pháp như bạn đã nêu ra.

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 Traffic jams are growing problems in today’s society. Personally, I disagree with the idea that providing free public transport all time could solve this problem, and I believe that various other measures would be more constructive.

There are two primary reasons why supplying free public transport for commuters is not the best way to solve congestion. The first reason is a financial factor. Government would spend much money on building and maintaining public transportation systems. This may require a large amount of money from the state budget to meet all demands of commuters while Government must invest money in other fields such as education, health care and security defence. Therefore, providing free public transport may become a financial burden for the nation. The second reason is that many people prefer driving their own cars rather than using public vehicles because driving private car is more convenient. They can go and stop anywhere at any time as they want.

However, there are several better solutions to tackle traffic congestion. The first is to reduce the number of cars on the roads, road tolls should be applied for all drivers. Especially, congestion and parking charges should be used for drivers who enter the centre city. In addition, Government should urge people to use public transport by selling tickets with affordable prices. The second is that Government should build a number of overpasses at the crossroads to avoid congestion happen at traffic lights. The third is to raise public awareness of traffic by educating traffic law on media and at schools. Finally, anyone violating traffic law must be penalised seriously.

In conclusion, provided free public transport is not the best way to tackle traffic congestion. There are several effective measures mentioned above can be applied to solve this problem.

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