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Economic progress is one way to measure a country's success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country.
What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others?

Recently, there has been a strict debate related two main subjects of what aspects should be used to assess the development of a country as well as whether there is an element that much more essential than others. Personally, I believe that while all of the three fields-economy, education and healthcare system obviously have the solid affects on a nation’s development, education generally plays a important role more than this of the two remained areas.

On the one hand, there are several primary reasons that explain the quest of why education is accounted as a key part to evaluate success of a country. Firstly, educating people in each nation would be the best way to contribute to its social stability. In fact, because of their education, a large number of students around the world are having the good opportunities to gain the better jobs that help them not only improving their lives but also avoiding social evils. Hence, every country’s society might be more stable if their governments take a good care of their education. Secondly, education in a country is associated strongly with the potentials in researching activities that would frequently make the great differences between the country and the others. Indeed, if teaching at schools colleges and universities of a nation weren’t estimated carefully, the country’s development would be restricted seriously. Finally, educating is also responsible for improving human’s culture levels. In the modern age, when people are apparently influenced by a vast of inaccurate information from various media, education is becoming a practical tool to help people orient their lives. As a result, appropriating the importance of education as well as offering possible educational policies would be a significant approach to achieve any country’ success.

In addition, having a good healthcare system is also vitally important to indicate how well citizens’ living conditions of a country are. Obviously, a wealthy nation might not have a degraded healthcare system because when the nation possesses the best one, meaning that its communities’ health are seriously cared, so that the country’s development minght become faster because of the contributions from its healthy population, and vice versa. For instance, HIV and malaria have been creating negative unpredictable influences on both health and economies in many different places in Africa. Therefore, building up the professional healthcare system would be an essential aspect to maintain citizens’ health and develop national economy.

 

 

In conclusion, it seems to me that although economic growth, education, health system are three significant elements that we can base on to determine the achievements of any country, education is the most crucial factor that have profound impacts on any countries’ success. Hopefully, comprehending the significance of the above aspects might help countries’ leaders making up suitable policies for their nations.

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Cảm ơn bạn đã chia sẻ câu hỏi, câu hỏi đề bài rất hay.

 

Về từ vựng ngữ pháp, bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi collocation, thêm tính từ vào cụm danh từ mà chưa tra cứu kỹ càng.

 

Cách diễn đạt của bạn chưa đạt tới mức 6 chấm, tuy rằng có nhiều cố gắng sử dụng nhiều từ vựng ở range 6.0-7.0.

 

Tip cho bạn: hãy cho vào ngoặc kép và google từng cụm từ mà bạn sử dụng trong bài, để xem có bao nhiêu người viết giống như mình ;)

 

Cheers

Tu Pham from IPP IELTS

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (35 điểm)
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hihi. đúng là bài này không thể cham giống 1 bài IELTS bình thường rồi. mục đích của bài này là kiểm tra ngữ pháp, từ vựng và cách triển khai ý tổng thể, cụ thể. dac biet la ngu cach su dung mot so tu vung trong cau. VD debate, factor, element, aspect, field, impact, effect, influence, cac cau truc su dung nhu whether, not only-but also, conditional sentence. because of, althought, be able to, be responsible for, be acounted... mot so tu khac nua. neu co thoi gian ban co the comment cu the. hehe, thank you for you consideration!
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Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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