IELTS task 2-Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes.
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Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes. Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists’ attention. Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home. Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Since the first launch of the first man-made satellite, many countries have expended a large amount of money to do astronomical research. It is argued that they have should spend that money to handle more practical issues relating to the environment, education and social security. I totally agree that the governments should take their nation's problems in priority rather than expensive space exploration programmes.

When it comes to space exploration, we will probably think about NASA, which come along with several joint projects in outer space. The American government has spent millions of dollars to run this organization. However, this country is still facing with many its social problems. What I want to emphasize is that if they sorted these problems out by using that money, their residents would take a tremendous advantages of that. In particular, the government may encourage people to get higher education which is totally paid. It is really worthy to enable scientists to do medical researches so that deadly infectious diseases are cured. Moreover, the authorities should care more about creating new jobs for helping unemployment to get their jobs.

Another country I want to take into consideration is China. There have seen that China now becomes a second largest economy in the whole world. The main point is that it has built its own space station, which is consuming a great deal of money. However, having said that, it still remains many issues especially pollution. One statistic suggested that this country has had a high level of polluted air, which affects badly to Chinese people. The authorities should pay more attention on this problem. For example, they would buy new high-tech machines to deal with rubbish and they also should think about enhance public transportation. Besides, it is important to bring plants into the cities.

in summary, I completely concur with the idea that the authorities should rather spend money on solving practical problems on earth, such as education, medication and environment than beginning any outer space research.

 

 

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Mình góp ý thế này nhé:

1/have should spend -> should have spent

2/their nation's problems in priority rather --> collocation problem, nên là : national problems should take priorities over...

3/which come: NASA là single noun-->comes

4/which is totally paid: hoặc là "paid for" hoặc chuyển sang từ funded.

5/for helping unemployment to get their jobs: in order to help the unemployment get their jobs

6/There have seen: ???? we? dù sao đi nữa, là không cần thiết, bắt đầu trực tiếp từ China.. luôn cho gọn

7/it still remains many issues especially pollution: it là để thay cho từ gì? bạn muốn dùng it thì ít ra ngay trước đó phải có China, nếu không là sai ngữ pháp, dùng từ remains cũng bị sai cách, phải là ngược lại, many issues remain in China, especially pollution.

8/which affects badly to Chinese people--> collocation sai, 

 

Đó là về ngữ pháp, về coherence nói chung mình cũng thấy chưa tốt. Bạn hơi "tham lam" vì bỏ quá nhiều ý vào một praragraph, hậu quả là không ý nào được phát triển đầy đủ, mà chỉ mang tính chất liệt kê. Ví dụ như bạn muốn nói về việc chính phủ nên dùng tiền để hỗ trợ học phí, thì bạn cần phát triển rộng thêm là tại sao hỗ trợ học phí cần thiết, hỗ trợ học phí mang lại lợi ích gì, lợi ích đó có thật sự tốt hơn việc đầu tư vào space không? nếu không thì không thể lý giải được tại sao bạn nghĩ tiền bỏ vào space là lãng phí.

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cám ơn bạn rất nhiều! sai sót nhiều quá. Mình sẽ có gắng thêm nữa mới đc. Một lần nữa cám ơn bạn giành thời gian để kiểm tra bài mình nha.
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Bạn không post câu hỏi đầy đủ lên làm sao mọi người góp ý được nhỉ? :) phải dựa vào câu hỏi mới xem bạn paraphrase đúng không chứ? còn task response nữa?
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cam on ban. minh da sua lai roi. ban coi qua cho minh nha
mình góp ý ở phía dưới đấy nhé.

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