People have different views about whether or not stern controls about noise should be established. While many people think that they can make as much noise as possible (1), I believe that noise should be controlled by the policy of the government.
There are several reasons why some people want to create noise as much as they want (2). Firstly, the (3) noise is indispensable in many situations such as the (4) music programs, festivals, and sports games. In these cases, everyone has the right to create noise. Secondly, most of people (5a) feel relaxing (5a) when they make noise. For example, under the high stressful pressure(5b), most of workers (6) often tend to shout or sing aloud to release the burden.
Despite the above arguments, I believe that the government should establish the (7) strict policy to control the (8) noise to reduce the negative effects. When the (9) noise becomes excessive, the (10) terrible problems can arise and escalate even further over time if ignored. It can cause stress as well as inflicting (11) some medical conditions such as sleepless nights and headaches if noise is lasted (12) in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Besides that, the (13) noise makes a nuisance to other people (14). For instance, the study of(15) students can be distracted by the (16) loud strum and drum sounds made by their neighbours.
In conclusion, there are good reasons why noise possibly be created(17) as much as some people want, but in my opinion the (18) noise should be strictly controlled by the policy of the government (19).
Các lỗi phổ biến nhất: Sai mạo từ, các lỗi ngữ pháp cơ bản. Ngoài ra còn các lỗi sai về sử dụng từ, lặp từ, đều có thể kéo điểm xuống.
(1) ‘as possible’ doesn’t mean the same thing as ‘as they want’
(2) same as the topic -> need to paraphrase
(4)(7)(8)(9)(10)(13)(16)(18): Problem with article
(5a) relaxing -> relaxed
(5a) Most of people -> Most people
(5b) under the high stressful pressure -> under stress
(6) Most of workers -> Most workers
(11) Parallelism: inflicting -> inflict
(12) Grammar: noise is lasted -> noise lasts
(14) ‘make a nuisance to’: collocation mistake
(15) ‘the study of’: unnecessary
(17) ‘possibly be’ is a wrong expression to describe ability/probability
(19) The whole sentence is the same as the last sentence in the introduction