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Bài IELTS Task 2 - Topic: Study abroad - To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Please help to check my essay :D Thanks so much!

Topic: Study abroad can be highly motivational for students and also inspire their dreams. However, whilst studying abroad can have a number of positive effects on students, there are also many difficulties that they may meet along the way. With this is in mind, it is more advantages to study at home. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that going abroad to study is more disadvantageous than studying at home for numerous problems that international students may have to face with. While I accept the drawbacks of studying overseas, I believe that this option is more likely to have benefits in motivating students and encouraging their dreams.

The decision for studying in another country has some shortcomings. Firstly, studying abroad is more expensive than studying in one local’s school.  In addition to high tuition fee, students who study in foreign have to pay considerable living costs, such as expenses for accommodation, food and travel. Secondly, it is hard to adapt to a very new environment in a strange country. As nations are different in culture, customs and habits; international students will meet a lot of barriers in integration. For example, American youngsters often use slangs in their daily conversation that is not familiar with non native English speaking students.

On the other hand, it seems to me that there are undeniable positive impacts of studying abroad on students. The main benefit is that studying overseas is highly motivational for students. Students must try their best to get admission from the foreign school as well as effortlessly keep their spirit high to overcome difficulties arising during their study and to achieve greatness. For instance, if student want to enter a high ranking university in the USA, they must get a remarkable study result in high school, good English proficiency and have contribution to social activities. Moreover, studying abroad is a precious chance for students to broaden their horizons. By opening their eyes to the outside world, meeting people from many cultures and learning from other countries’ development, students will be inspired deeply.

In conclusion, although there are some challenges that students may meet along the way, it is worthwhile to experience studying abroad.

Rating: 5.47
đã hỏi 2 Tháng 1, 2015 trong Opinion bởi Linh Xuân (30 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

3 góp ý

+2 phiếu

Bạn này chịu khó tham khảo mẫu câu nhưng mắc nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp hoặc diễn đạt rối rắm thì chỉ 6.0 thôi nhé. Viết chưa tốt thì 6.5 (cả về từ và cách diễn đạt).

Xanh là cần sửa. Gạch là bỏ đi.

 

Many people argue that going abroad to study is more disadvantageous than studying at home for numerous problems that international students may have to face with. While I accept the drawbacks of studying overseas, I believe that this option is more likely to have benefits in motivating students and encouraging their dreams.

Câu đầu nên viết: It is widely believed that... còn vế sau có thể viết advantages (hoặc ngược lại) of studying abroad outweigh drawbacks.

Câu chốt nửa đầu tốt, theo Simon, còn lại thì vớ vẩn. Bạn chưa thoát ra khỏi cấp 6.0 là ở chỗ này, bạn viết rất lằng nhằng. Nhiều cụm từ ở band 6.5 - 7.0 - 7.5 nhưng bạn cứ viết kiểu này thì chả bao giờ được trên 6.0.

Học Simon là phải học cái này, tiết kiệm thời gian + đáp ứng yêu cầu + đỡ phải nhớ nhiều.

It is often argued that the act of sending a man to the moon has been of no benefit to normal people. While I agree that this is true in practical terms, I believe that the psychological impact of this great achievement should not be underestimated.

 

Some people argue that it is pointless to spend money on the protection of wild animals because we humans have no need for them. I completely disagree with this point of view.

 

Đoạn Kết Bài.

In conclusion, although there are some challenges that students may meet along the way, it is worthwhile to experience studying abroad.

Câu này 6.5-.

Sao không dùng despite? Ví dụ, despite challenges of...

In conclusion, while there have been possible challenges of studying overseas, I do believe that its benefits outweight drawbacks.

 

Simon hay viết kiểu như sau:

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.

 

In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that early technologies had more of an effect on ordinary people than recent ones.

 

Mình thuộc dạng sẵn sàng chép các mẫu câu Mở Bài và Kết Luận, đỡ phải sáng tạo mất công. Nhanh, gọn gàng, hiệu quả và đơn giản.

Nội dung chính là Đoạn 1 + 2 ở giữa. Tí mình sẽ xem bài bạn. Hy vọng bạn không viết thừa như hai đoạn mình vừa nhận xét.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 3 Tháng 1, 2015 bởi trunghq (344 điểm)
Cảm ơn bạn nhiều :D
Bạn nên đọc về Coherence and Cohesion, từ của bài bạn có thể luyện thêm một thời gian để lên mức 7 nhưng không đạt được 2 cái Coherence và Cohesion thì chỉ đáng cả bài ở mức 6 thôi. Bạn đọc các bài điểm cao nhưng dễ hiểu như của Simon mà xem, các ý của ông ý rất chặt chẽ và cùng chỉ vào một vấn đề cụ thể.
0 phiếu

Many people argue that going abroad to study is more disadvantageous than studying at home for numerous problems that international students may have to face with( nên bỏ câu này). While I accept the drawbacks of studying overseas, I believe that this option is more likely to have benefits in motivating students and encouraging their dreams.(tôii xin viết lại : studying abroad may have some drawbacks, but that is a large chance to change themself)

The decision for studying in another country has some shortcomings. Firstly, studying abroad is more expensive than studying in one local’s school. in addition to high tuition fee, students who study in foreign have to pay considerable living costs, such as expenses for(nên bỏ từ này luôn) accommodation, food and travel. Secondly, it is hard to adapt to a very new environment in a strange country. As nations are different in culture(from cultures), customs and habits;moreover, international students will meet a lot of barriers in integration(barier langugues). For example, American youngsters often use slangs in their daily conversation that is not familiar with non-native English speaking students.

On the other hand, it seems to me that there are undeniable positive impacts of studying abroad on students. The main benefit is that studying overseas(overseas studying) is highly motivational(motivated) for students. Students must try(attempt) their best to get admission from the foreign school as well as effortlessly keep their spirit high(high spirit) to overcome difficulties arising during their study and to achieve greatness(goals). For instance, if student(s) want to enter a high ranking(top) university in the USA, they must get(have) a remarkable study result in high school, good English proficiency and have contribution to social activities. Moreover, studying abroad is a precious chance(opportunity) for students to broaden their horizons(knowleadge). By opening their eyes(văn nói) to the outside world, meeting people from many cultures and learning from other countries’ development, students will be inspired deeply.

In conclusion, although there are some challenges that students may meet along the way, it is worthwhile to experience studying abroad.

Rating: 6.50
đã góp ý 15 Tháng 5, 2015 bởi vongochai (12 điểm)
0 phiếu

Many people argue that going abroad to study is more disadvantageous than studying at home for numerous problems that international students may have to face with. While I accept the drawbacks of studying overseas, I believe that this option is more likely to have benefits in motivating students and encouraging their dreams. (  In this essay, the noticeable benefits will be brought out in order to prove that it totally outweighed its drawbacks)

The decision for studying in another country has some shortcomings. Firstly, studying abroad is more expensive than studying in one local’s school.  In addition to high tuition fee, students who study in foreign have to pay considerable living costs, such as expenses for accommodation, food, and travel. Secondly, it is hard to adapt to a very new environment in a strange country. As nations are different from culture, customs and habits; international students will meet (cope with) a lot of barriers to integration ( of + Noun hoặc V-ing, barriers là V ). For example, American youngsters often use slangs in their daily conversation that is not familiar with non-native English speaking students.

On the other hand, it seems to me that there are undeniable positive impacts of studying abroad on students. The main benefit is that studying overseas is highly motivational for students. Students must try their best to get admission from the foreign school as well as effortlessly keep their high spirit to overcome difficulties arising during their study and to achieve greatness. For instance, if the student wants to enter a high ranking university in the USA, they must ( have to )get a remarkable study result in high school, good English proficiency and have the contribution to social activities. Moreover, studying abroad is a precious opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. By opening their eyes to the outside world, meeting people from many cultures and learning from other countries’ development, students will be inspired deeply. Có thể thay bằng ( Only by moving to other countries will students be inspired deeply) 

In conclusion, although there are some challenges that students may meet along the way, it is worthwhile to experience studying abroad.

* Mình có chút góp ý nhỏ: Bài của bạn hơi lủng củng, dạng bài Agree or Disagree bạn nên để ý kiến của mình về Agree hoặc Disagree như vậy sẽ dễ trình bày và người đọc sẽ hiểu bạn đang bày tỏ quan điểm nào hơn.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 6 Tháng 12 bởi cmintr7 (16 điểm)

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