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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both of the points of view and give your opinions

 

Professional athletes have become really well-known for youngsters these days through many sources of information, which include both negative and positive news about athletes. My essay is going to discuss either good or bad role models professional athletes make for young people.

In terms of being a good model for young people, professional athletes have truly inspired the youth to follow their dream. Not to mention athlete's income, they do have the bravery to to totally pursue their dreams. They are dare to go against social prejudiced model careers, such as doctors, engineers,... In addition, thanks to professional athletes, youngsters can learn to do exercies or play sports, which benefit their health a lot.

On the other side, completely copying what professional athletes have done is not always a good thing for young people. They are also known for their records of overnight parties, drug abusing, prostitutes,... Some of them may harm their team's or even their country's pride by accepting bribes.

Whether professional athletes are good role models or not depends on the athlete him(her)self. There should also be policies to reward for good athletes as well as proper punsihments for the bad ones. Only by that will young people really be well affected by profesional athletes.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

2 góp ý

0 phiếu

have become ==> have became

 

professional ==> top hoac major ( dung nhiu wa 1 tu ko tot)

totally=>total

they are dare to=> they dare to ( dare la verb)

is not alsway a good thing ==> cai nay qua unclear ( ban dang mun nhac den atitude hay action hay furniture vay)

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (10 điểm)

have become ==> have became

người ta đúng sao sửa lại sai vậy, check lại ngữ pháp đi bạn.

0 phiếu

Góp ý bố cục nha.

 

Professional athletes have become really well-known for youngsters these days through many sources of information, which include both negative and positive news about athletes (viết dài dòng quá) (It is true that... can be both advantageous and disadvantageous/ negative and effective ). My essay is going to discuss either good or bad role models professional athletes make for young people (không phải dạng chuẩn của IELTS).

In terms of being a good model for young people, professional athletes have truly inspired the youth to follow their dream (lạc đề) (phải nói kiểu players are good models for some reasons). Not to mention athlete's income (không liên quan), they do have the bravery to to totally pursue their dreams (cần nói rõ là ý 1, 2 hay 3). They are dare (lỗi khá nặng) to go against social prejudiced model careers, such as doctors, engineers,... In addition, thanks to professional athletes, youngsters can learn to do exercies or play sports, which benefit their health a lot (chắc bạn chưa học phát triển ý rồi, viết chả rõ ràng gì cả) (tách hẳn thành 2-3 câu đi).

On the other side, completely copying what professional athletes have done is not always a good thing for young people. They are also known for their records of overnight parties, drug abusing, prostitutes,... Some of them may harm their team's or even their country's pride by accepting bribes. (đoạn này chưa ổn nên mình nhận xét chung: bạn cần học Paragraph Writing - Viết Đoạn trước vì theo như bài này, bạn chưa biết triển khai ý đâu)

Whether professional athletes are good role models or not depends on the athlete him(her)self (bạn phải nhắc lại câu chốt của đề bài ở phần Introduction). There should also be policies to reward for good athletes as well as proper punsihments for the bad ones. Only by that will young people really be well affected by profesional athletes. (2 câu cuối hoàn toàn có thể bỏ, thiếu cũng chả sao)

Rating: 5.60
đã góp ý bởi (344 điểm)
anh trunghq: em muon gui bai cho a check co duoc ko?
Em có thể vào web Giáo Làng anh gửi và xem luật của anh, có 1 trang Thông Tin có đăng mấy link anh chữa bài.

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