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Someone believed that talents are some kind of thing you were born with, like the color of our eyes or skin. However, some thought that we can be trained to be talented, we can be a genius if we have enough willpower and patience. In my view, I hope in the latter.

Are talents inborn? Let’s look deeper in history to find some examples. There are a lot of names stand for this side such as: Mozart, Gauss, Leonardo de Vinci, Perelman, … and so on. Mozart wrote his first symphony when he was six, Gauss was able to solve many complicated mathematical problems when he was a child. De Vinci had studied about human anatomy and plane hundreds years ago before the rest of human being started their first research. Recently the world welcome a new genius, Perelman, who prove one of the most sophisticated theory about universe form, the Poincare conjecture. All of them were born with a super brain.

However, is it possible for us to be taught to become talented? Of course, yes. Many people are ready to push their limit as far as they can. Sometimes, if it’s far enough, we also call them geniuses. Ronaldo, the extremely famous football player belongs to this side. He was not born with any football skills. Actually, he was born in a slum and even in the poorest family. But he had a strong faith in his destiny that he will become a football star. He spent a ton of time to train himself, learn and improve his skills. Now he is one of the best attackers in the world. So it’s worth believing, isn’t it?

In my opinion, I prefer take responsibility for my own talent rather than put it in the hands of God. At least, when I believe that we can be trained to be talented, I have some motivations to carry on. It’s much better than “I was born without any special ability, so I don’t need to try anymore”

In conclusion, both of two ideals are reasonable. Some have inborn talents, some doesn’t. But I choose to believe in the opinion that can make me better.
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Đây là ý kiến riêng của mình thôi nhé :D Nếu có sai sót mong được góp ý để cùng sửa :) Những chỗ mình tô màu tím là chỗ mình nghĩ có thể sửa để bài trở nên "học thuật" hơn.

Nhìn chung, theo ý mình, bạn có điểm mạnh là có các từ nối và từ vựng khá tốt. Tuy nhiên, bài của bạn chưa thuyết phục và sử dụng nhiều cấu trúc informal như các câu hỏi trong đoạn 2 và 3. Bạn cũng chưa đưa ra được các luận điểm phụ cho bài viết. Mình sẽ thử đưa ra một cấu trúc bài như sau:

I) Mở bài: Giới thiệu

II) Thân bài:

- Chỉ rõ việc có thể luyện tập để trở nên tài giỏi:

(Dẫn chứng: có thể lấy dẫn chứng về Ronaldo của bạn - dẫn chứng khá hay :D )

- Chỉ ra quan điểm trái ngược có thể không đúng:
( Dẫn chứng: dù có tài năng nhưng không kiên trì thì cũng không thành công

III) Kết bài: Khẳng định lại luận điểm
 

Someone (bạn có thể sửa thành A number of people để lập luận thuyết phục hơn) believed believe that talents are some kind of things you were born with, like (such as) the color of our eyes or skin. However, some thought think that we can be trained to be talented, we can be a genius if we have enough willpower and patience (có thể bỏ). In my view (to my point of view, I hope in the latter (câu tối nghĩa)(nói chung, phần mở bài mình chưa thấy ổn lắm, vì mình cũng không có đề nên mình chỉ hiểu là: "Nêu ý kiến việc tài năng có phải do rèn luyện hay không". Nếu như ý hiểu đề của mình là đúng, mình xin được thử viết lại mở bài như sau, mình sẽ cố gắng vẫn giữ nguyên ý của bạn nhé :D )

A number of people concur that expertise is innate. However, it is also believed that talents can be trained for a period of time. My opinion is that we can be trained in order to be accomplished.

Are talents inborn? Let’s look deeper in history to find some examples. (The question of whether prodigies are inborn can be answered by having a deep look into history) There are a lot of names stand for this side such as: Mozart, Gauss, Leonardo de Vinci, Perelman, … and so on. Mozart wrote his first symphony when he was six, Gauss was able to solve many complicated mathematical problems when he was a child. De Vinci had studied about human anatomy and plane hundreds years ago before the rest of human being started their first research. Recently the world welcome a new genius, Perelman, who prove one of the most sophisticated theory about universe form, the Poincare conjecture. All of them were born with a super brain.
( Ý cả đoạn này chưa minh chứng, ủng hộ được cho luận điểm ban đầu của bạn về việc có thể huấn luyện để trở thành thiên tài)
However, is it possible for us to be taught to become talented? Of course, yes. Many people are ready to push their limit as far as they can. Sometimes, if it’s far enough, we also call them geniuses. Ronaldo, the extremely famous football player belongs to this side. He was not born with any football skills. Actually, he was born in a slum and even in the poorest family. But he had a strong faith in his destiny that he will become a football star. He spent a ton of time to train himself, learn and improve his skills. Now he is one of the best attackers in the world. So it’s worth believing, isn’t it?

In my opinion, I prefer take responsibility for my own talent rather than put it in the hands of God. At least, when I believe that we can be trained to be talented, I have some motivations to carry on. It’s much better than “I was born without any special ability, so I don’t need to try anymore”

In conclusion, both of two ideals are reasonable. Some have inborn talents, some doesn’t (do not). But I choose to believe in the opinion that can make me better.

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68 points
1 vote
1 vote

Đập vào mắt mình là câu này nhé! 


"I prefer take responsibility for my own talent rather than..."

Nếu bạn chuyển nó thanh "prefer V-ing to V-ing" thì sẽ lấy thêm điểm được từ giám khảo đó.

by
17 points

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