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This is the topic that I had on trial IELTS test 18/10/2014 and I was stuck. Therefore I think I should rewrite the topic one more time. Please give me some comments. Thanks

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, there is no doubt that globalization has become a major concern of many people all over the world. Many people argue that this phenomenon may unavoidably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. However, from my point of view, I believe that globalization can help to spread specialties in traditions and cultures of one country to others, rather than eliminate them.

Thanks to globalization, the transportation and communication between countries have improved considerably. It is clear that people now can access other continents and even remote areas of the world easily. Therefore, the cultural values of one’s country, such as their customs can be more widespread through travellers and mass media. For example, due to globalization, the Japanese manga has been attracting a lot of fans from other countries and hence, it has contributed significantly in advertising Japanese image. Furthermore, manga also helps to increase the number of visitors travelling to Japan as well as improve their cultural identity.

Globalization also popularizes traditional food and music of one’s country. Nowadays it is apparent that there are a variety of Vietnamese, Chinese, Indian, Thai restaurants all over the world.  We now have more chance to enjoy and learn how to cook Asian, African, European food and drink. Without globalization, “Pho”, which is one of the Vietnamese traditional dishes, would never be widely known by people from other countries. In addition to this, different kinds of music such as rap, hip hop that were originated from Africa would never become commonplace.

To sum up, it is my personal belief that globalization can bring more positive impacts to the cultural identity. Not only it can facilitate people to know more about other cultures but also it maintains and develops traditional values. In other ways, globalization has really strengthened cultural identity. (301 words)

Rating: 7.70
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+2 phiếu
Hi Quy Nguyen,

You have a good essay! There  is just a very small mistake in the 1st body, you use use a comma after "nowadays". Besides, in the phrase  "the cultural values of one’s country, such as their customs", I think you should get rid of "their".

Nguyen Tinh
Rating: 4.45
đã góp ý bởi (93 điểm)
+1 phiếu
I think it is a good essay which is well-structured and can convince the audience by its provided evidences
Rating: 7.10
đã góp ý bởi (13 điểm)
0 phiếu
Ban co von tu kha da dang. Cac funtion word cua ban cung kha tot, dung dung cho de hieu duoc; du chua da dang (ban chu yeu dung cac adverb va phrasal verb dau cau de noi cac cau.

Cach ban hanh van ve tong the voi bai agree and disagree theo minh la ok ve tu ngu.

Tuy nhien co 1 so cau cua ban rat toi nghia theo cach hieu cua nguoi Anh. Vi du cau 3 doan 2. Hoac cau 3 doan 1 (ban dung redundant language, da noi la my point of view, ban lai nhac lai I).

Ngoai ra cac doan van cua ban dien ta khong het y. Vi du doan 3 ban ket thuc = furthermore theo minh la rat khong on. 1 doan van can phai co su goi gon y cua doan van do lai chu khong the ket thuc do chung nhu vay. Loi nay minh thay ban mac rat nhieu o ca doan van va cau van (loi coherence va cohesion)

Do do, minh danh gia bai ban chi 7.0
Rating: 7.90
đã góp ý bởi (12 điểm)
0 phiếu

i think this script answers the task and presents a clear opinion on the issue. the answer is organised with some good use of connectives giving a linking between sentences. there are some mistakes in grammatical controlling and the vocabulary is quite restricted at this level, hhowever the use of them is generally good. 

Rating: 6.00
đã góp ý bởi (26 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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